A Drop in the Ocean
by Grifterwitch
Summary: The war is over and Severus Snape is presumed by most to be dead. Only Harry Potter believes he is still alive, and has left to find him. Partially DH compliant.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Prologue:

"Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not/ Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither/ Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,/ Looking into the heart of light, the silence./ _Öd' und leer das Meer_." T.S. Eliot "The Wasteland"

Severus Snape was not a praying man. That being said as he stepped through the door to the Shrieking Shack he did appeal to a higher authority. Just not the higher authority most would appeal to. In a moment the Dark lord would arrive, and Severus was fairly sure that this would be the last time he would have to feign loyalty.

He scanned the empty room. He would have liked to see Harry Potter one last time. He would have liked to finish what he started. Instead he would die in this place. He couldn't help but notice the universe's dark sense of humor. If he had died here all those years ago when the Marauders were planning their little prank Lily may still be alive.

He closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the ceiling. If she could hear him he hoped it would be a welcome message. "I am truly sorry Lily. I tried to save him, but I am afraid I could not. If I die here I know I will never see you again, but I hope that I made a little progress towards obtaining your forgiveness." He opened his eyes. Lily was standing across the room.

Severus blinked several times and the woman became someone else, a stranger standing across the room staring at him curiously. She was pretty, and she did have a slight resemblance to the late Lily Evans. Her eyes were blue instead of that remarkable green, and her hair was shorter, but the same lovely light red. He stepped towards her. "Madam you must leave. This is not a safe place."

She raised an eyebrow, and then pulled a cigarette out of a case she was holding and lit it cautiously. She stepped towards him. Once she was close enough he realized her eyes were not a perfect blue. There was green there. A wave of intense grief threatened him, and he tightened his hold on his emotions as she came much closer than he would have expected and tilted her head. "You're Severus Snape."

It was not a question. He felt his wand inside his robe's sleeve. "Yes."

She looked around the room, and took a deep drag on her cigarette. "Is Voldemort coming here?"

Severus gripped his wand tighter. "Madam you must leave."

She looked at him carefully again, and tapped ashes from the end of her cigarette. "It's never the things we regret most that do the most damage to those around us. Did you know that?"

Severus was beginning to worry for the woman's sanity. He had to get the woman out before the Dark Lord arrived. He couldn't handle another death on his hands, and he could see the woman was not a Death Eater. He reached out and gripped the arm that didn't hold a cigarette. "I have no idea what you are talking about. You need to leave."

She looked at his hand, and then dropped the cigarette to the floor and stepped on it carefully. "It's what we regret the least that does the most damage to those around us Severus Snape." She looked up, and Severus felt his hand lose its grip. He was drowning. How had he thought her eyes were even remotely blue? They were green. That overwhelming green that always took his breath away when he looked at the old pictures of Lily. The green in Potter's eyes that drove him to grief and madness. That damn green.

She took his chin in her hand and tilted his face down to look into her green eyes. Severus Snape hadn't known the touch of a loving hand since before he murdered his last real friend. Even that fell short of the comfort and joy he felt at this touch. Unconsciously he tilted his face down into her hand. "I have always admired you. I'd like to give you a gift. To receive it you must only close your eyes and hold still."

Severus closed his eyes.

"Can I ask you a question Severus?"

He could only nod. She put both of her warm little hands on either side of his face. "Could we be together forever?"

He felt the floor fall away from his feet.


	2. Collision

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter One: Collision

"It was a vast blue expanse, flat as a plate on that hot November afternoon, and even with the sliding glass window-wall shut, I could hear its mild and steady sighing. I thought, It has no memory. It was an odd thought, and strangely optimistic. When it came to memory - and anger - I still had my issues." –Stephen King _Duma Key_

Magellan had been barking. Severus wasn't sure how long the dog had been barking he just knew that it must have been happening for a while. He and the dog had an uneasy truce about barking that had been hard won. After a year of fighting with the dog to not bark at joggers, seasonal neighbor children, and the rare service person he had accepted that barking was a part of life. Magellan hadn't taken to this philosophy well. At first his barking increased, as if to prove to Severus that he was not to be ignored. When Severus' hands off policy continued Magellan responded with disgust, and began to ignore Severus back. The two lived together peacefully after that.

Now Magellan's barking only came when strangers were crossing what he considered his territory, a rather rare occurrence. Severus turned his head away from the waves he had been staring at to consider the open back door. The bell hadn't rung; he would have heard that even in his semi-trance state, so the intruder must be wavering about approaching. Whoever it was they had little to worry about. Magellan's bark was mighty, but the corgi himself was fairly placid once the excitement of the new was gone.

Severus waited, and when the barking ended he assumed the visitor had given up and left. Either way it didn't matter to him, and he turned his attention back to the waves in front of him. The ocean was turbulent today, and the wind that came off it was startlingly cold. Vaguely Severus could remember what winters were like at Spinner's End when he was a child. In comparison South Carolina had little to offer when it came to cold, but the wind had a way of getting into a man's joints. It was already getting dark, and Severus still had things to do before he was prepared to settle down for the night. He took one last long pull off his beer and then stood, preparing to go to the front and see if Magellan was ready for his walk when he heard the first call.

"Hello? Hello is anyone back there?"

Severus tilted his head. The voice was British, and Severus hadn't heard the accent since his mother passed away. He waited for a breath, and then called back, "Yes. I am back here."

He heard a muttered curse as the visitor no doubt tripped over the low-lying fence, and attempted to right himself. Then the man came around the corner of the house. Severus watched as he dropped his duffel bag to brush off his pants, and then he looked up. The young man wasn't very tall, and was built lean instead of muscular. His dress suggested he cared nothing for fashion, and his hair was growing wilder with every second as the wind ran through it with little mercy. The man stared at Severus blankly for several seconds, before he stood straighter, and in a voice that conveyed both awe and relief said, "Snape. I finally found you."

They sat across from each other at the table. Severus wasn't sure why he'd invited him in, and when he poured the man a cup of tea he was fairly sure he'd be kicking him out soon. The man had barely said a word since Severus acknowledged his identification and invited him in for tea. It was while Severus was giving Magellan his dinner that the man finally spoke. His voice came out angry and accusatory.

"You just disappear on me, on all of us, and then when I show up you offer me tea like nothing ever happened? What the hell is going on Snape?"

Severus sat across from him and sipped his own tea. "Young man I would like to remind you that at the moment you are a guest in my home. I can always contact the authorities to collect you if you continue speaking to me in that manner."

The man's jaw dropped. He shook himself and leaned forward. "Your name is cleared Snape. You can come back. You don't have to continue pretending you're dead anymore."

Severus was fascinated with the man's eyes. They looked so familiar. He placed his tea carefully down. "I am not sure exactly what you mean."

The man glared at him for a moment. "I know we treated you badly, and I can see why you would be hesitant to come back, but even McGonagall is sorry about the whole thing. If they just knew you weren't dead they would have been looking for you too."

"Why exactly would Professor McGonagall think I am dead?"

The man paled. "What did you just ask me?"

Severus frowned. "I am not in the habit of repeating myself to strangers. "

"She'd think it for the same reason we all thought it."

"I do not understand you. Professor McGonagall last saw me when I was withdrawing from Hogwarts."

The young man's look of confusion increased. "Snape, do you know who I am?"

Severus attempted not to lose his temper. What exactly was the man playing at? "No. I have absolutely no idea who you are. You failed to introduce yourself while you were shouting accusations at me."

"I'm Harry Potter. Remember? The-Boy-Who-Lived? Harry bloody Potter? James and Lily's son?"

Severus resisted the urge to snap his fingers. His face relaxed as he sat back in his chair. Harry must have heard about him from his mother. This must have been Lily's cautious way of reaching out to him after all these years. He thought of the last time he had seen Lily. "Lily Evans? So she married James Potter? Well that is unfortunate. How is your mother doing?"

Harry's pale face lost another shade of color. He was beginning to resemble Severus' curtains. "What?" His voice came out a croak.

"How is she doing? Did Lily send you?"

"She's dead."

Severus clenched his fists and repressed a wave of sorrow. He had to clear his throat before he could find a voice to speak. "I am so sorry. She was a wonderful woman. How did she die?"

Harry continued to stare at him. Severus watched as he swallowed several times, and then finally found his answer. "You don't remember me at all?"

Severus shook his head. "I could not possibly remember someone I have never met."

Harry kicked back his chair and came around the table with surprising speed. Magellan began to bark loudly as he grabbed Severus' shoulders and shook him. His voice came out an angry roar. "What the hell is going on? Are you taking the piss out of me? I have given up everything to find you!"

He released Severus' shirt and slid to his knees. Severus watched as he put his head in his hands and began to cry. "I've given up everything. How could you have forgotten it all?"

Hesitantly Severus reached forward to touch him, and then drew his hand back. "Harry if you will attempt to calm down and take back your seat maybe we can figure out what is happening. You are obviously confused. The last time I saw your mother was shortly before my family moved."

Harry shook his head and looked up. "The last time you saw my mother you were holding her body. I saw it. You showed it to me before you died too."

"I can assure you I have never died." Severus stood and moved through the kitchen, retrieving a Calming Drought from the cabinet and pouring it into the young man's tea. He held it out to Harry who took it without looking at it and drank from it. Severus waited for the potion to begin working.

When Harry's tears had subsided he moved back to his chair. He studied Severus cautiously before he spoke. "Can I see your neck?"

Severus raised an eyebrow, but unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and pulled it away from his neck. Harry shook his head in wonder. "There isn't even a scar. How can there be no scar?"

"Scar from what?"

Harry looked around the kitchen. "Do you have a Pensieve?"

A/N: Sorry for the update and then deletion. I'm having serious formatting issues.


	3. Disorientation

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Two: Disorientation

"I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me." –Isaac Newton

Severus couldn't figure out why he was entertaining this madness. Lily's son hadn't seemed to be surprised when he said he didn't have a Pensieve. He had rubbed the small scar on his forehead and muttered about frustration and bad luck. Severus watched him carefully. Magellan had abandoned the two of them after he realized there would be no treats to soothe him once he stopped barking. Finally Harry looked up, his green eyes blazing.

"So you never taught at Hogwarts? You never spied for Dumbledore? You never loved my mother?"

Severus had been preparing a lengthy and somewhat scathing response to the first two questions when the third one came and sucker punched him. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that anger would not resolve the situation and would do nothing to speed the troubling young man out of his kitchen and away from his mostly peaceful life.

"I never taught at Hogwarts. I have never spied for Dumbledore."

"And my mother?"

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and considered the answer to that question. "I was very fond of your mother for a number of years."

Harry leaned forward, "But you don't remember me? Or anything else about me? What's the last thing you remember?"

Severus frowned. "You asking me that ridiculous question."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "I mean what's the last thing you remember about the war?"

About the war? Severus cast his thoughts back to before they had left England. "Several members of Slytherin house were talking about joining an anti-Muggle movement. I heard a little about it before my mother decided it was time for us to move."

"That's all you remember?"

"That is all there is to remember. Once we came here she refused to follow the news from England."

"What about your parents? Was your father an abusive drunk?"

Calm. He had to stay calm. "Is that how your mother described it to you?"

Harry saw his mistake. His fingers went back to rubbing his scar. "I'm sorry, that was poorly worded. Maybe I should start from the beginning, because this is getting us nowhere."

Severus looked beyond Harry to the window, where his beloved ocean beckoned to him. "I will build a fire, and then you can tell me who you think I am, and what you think my history is."

After the outdoor fire pit was full of burning wood Severus took a seat in his favorite rocking chair and offered the other one to Harry. The sound of the ocean crashing into the shore soothed him enough that he was prepared to listen a little more carefully to Harry's story. He wondered if the death of Lily had driven the boy insane, and where James Potter was when his son left the U.K. to search for Severus.

More importantly Severus was wondering how long it would be before the young man left and he was able to reclaim his peaceful isolation. It was interesting to have company, but only for short periods of time. One of the best aspects of living in a small tourist town was that for several months of the year Severus only had one neighbor, three houses away. The season had ended two months ago, and Severus had only seen his neighbor once since then as he walked past with Magellan. He realized Lily's son had been talking, and he swiveled his head away from the ocean to focus on him.

Harry raised an eyebrow, "I asked how long you've lived here?"

Severus thought about it, and then cleared his throat. "I have lived here for ten years."

Harry froze, staring at him incredulously, and then shook himself visibly. "Ok, how old are you?"

"Forty."

Harry nodded, "That's how old you're supposed to be." It seemed like he was talking to himself now.

Harry leaned forward, "Your name is Severus Snape, and you were my mother's best friend growing up. You lived at Spinner's End, and your parents names were Tobias and Eileen Snape."

Severus frowned. "I do not see what you are-"

Harry waved a hand cutting him off. "My father and his friends were cruel to you, and you ended your friendship with my mother over a slur against her bloodline. You joined Voldemort's cause, and then to protect my mother after a prophecy was formed about me killing the Dark Lord you agreed to become a spy if Dumbledore would protect my mother. When my mother was murdered along with my father the first war ended. When the second one began you took your position as a spy back up to protect me. You died in the Shrieking Shack, but no one could find your body and your portrait never showed up at Hogwarts. So I came looking for you, and here you are."

"James is dead as well?"Severus tilted his head and studied the young man. Both parents dead, and he was still so young. No wonder he was having trouble with reality. Reality had taken his family from him. Severus knew little about the wars, but what he had heard from the magical community here in the States was that the anti-Muggle movement was staying on the other side of the Pond.

Harry nodded fervently, a look of hope in his eyes. "You remember?"

"I remember leaving when James Potter and Lily Evans were alive and well Harry. I do not remember any of these other things you have said. My family moved to the States when I was still young. My father died shortly after, and my mother followed him when I was still in my twenties. I moved here ten years ago."

"No, that's not true. You were a professor. Of Potions. You fought in both wars."

"Harry obviously you are stressed over the death of your parents. You heard some story about me and your grief stricken mind created a fantasy. I am sorry for your mother's death, but I was not involved."

Harry stared at him intensely. "You don't call me Harry. You call me Potter."

"That seems ridiculously formal."

"You call me Potter."

"Why would I refuse to call you by your first name?"

"Because you hate me."

Severus considered this for a moment. "You said in the kitchen that you gave up everything to find me? Why would you do that if I hate you?"

Harry rubbed his scar again. Severus could tell it was some kind of nervous tick, and he wondered what kind of wound would leave such an obvious scar. The young man seemed perfectly comfortable with it, so it must have been old. If James and Lily were both dead who would come to collect Harry? Severus was beginning to see that there was little chance he would leave on his own. Maybe he could contact Sirius Black or Remus Lupin. Either one should have known the family well enough to be able to get Harry with little trouble. Why were they not looking after him?

Severus stood and went into the kitchen to retrieve the young man's bag. "You need to get some rest Potter. I suggest the inn three houses down. It is open after season ends, and the woman who runs it is very kind. Make a left on the beach and head there. Her name is Nona, and she will have a room for you."

Harry stared at him, and then stood angrily grabbing his bag. "You know Snape, you may not remember being the man I know, but you're still a bastard like him."

He turned angrily and stormed off down the beach.

In the sudden silence Severus looked beyond the flames towards the dark ocean. He couldn't see it from this distance but he could hear it. James and Lily dead. The war must have been worse than the reports had suggested for such a thing to happen. It was almost incomprehensible, and Severus found he had to sit and close his eyes to regain his equilibrium. He had never considered the possibility of Lily Evans dying. There had never been a woman who was more vibrant or alive. He thought of her laughing in the park beside him, and her concern over his description of his home life.

Where was her snotty sister? Why was Harry left to wander across the ocean alone? None of it made any sense, and the intensity of the man's delusions were enough to put Severus on edge. What could possibly have made him call Lily a slur? Had he loved Lily?

A cold nose nudged his hand, and he stroked the soft fur of Magellan's head for a bit as he considered everything that had happened. He was not a part of the Floo network, and he did not own an owl. He would have to go to Charleston to get communication sent to England. What had the name of the Black household been anyway? It was all so long ago.

He had never cared for James Potter that much was true. Too cocky, too sure that everything he did was righteous and just. Still Severus had never wished him dead. He had seen the mating dance James had begun around Lily, and he hadn't liked it, but Severus had known he could never have Lily. She wasn't the type of person who would fall in love with Severus, and he had accepted that. Lily dead. There was a headache forming behind his eyes, and he felt that rush of grief that had come earlier. This time it was mixed with a strange and incomprehensible guilt.

What would Nona do when Harry arrived on her doorstep? She wouldn't be expecting visitors this far out of season. At least she would have vacancies. Severus stood and looked into the dying embers of the fire. He didn't know how long he had been sitting in front of it, but he clapped his thigh to summon Magellan and went inside. He would go to Charleston tomorrow if the man refused to leave. He would send a postal owl to Hogwarts. Harry had mentioned Professor McGonagall. She would probably know how to get in touch with those responsible for him.


	4. Motion

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Three: Motion

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!/ The world forgetting, by the world forgot./ Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!/ Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;" –Alexander Pope "Eloisa to Abelard"

When Severus woke in the morning he knew that this was going to be a bad day. He could hear the rain slamming into the house, carried by the unforgiving winds off the ocean. When he went downstairs he found Magellan sitting in front of the doggy door, giving it a look of extreme mistrust. He turned the coffee pot on before digging through the closet to find his largest umbrella, a slicker, and boots. When he had finished outfitting himself for the weather he carefully led Magellan outside into the front yard, giving them a small buffer from the weather by the bulk of the house. Magellan walked daintily under the umbrella, finishing his business quickly and then leading Severus back inside. Severus had originally found Magellan in the middle of a storm, and since then the dog had shown a hatred for the bad weather. He put a small cup of food out before pouring himself a mug of coffee and standing in front of the window.

The ocean was gray and the waves slammed themselves into his shingle of beach. Later he would check the weather to see if the storm was expected to pass soon, or intensify. For now he simply enjoyed the reflection the weather seemed to have on his mood. Today would be a fine day for stew, but it would require a trip into town for supplies. While he had become used to driving in this weather he rarely went out when it stormed like this. His musing was interrupted by a knock at the front door. Magellan beat him there, and released one small bark to inform Severus that there was indeed a sound he needed to respond to. He gave the small dog a look before opening the door.

The bundled figure on the front steps moved past Severus into the house, and pulled her hood back as soon as she stepped in. She let out a whoosh of breath before heading to his fireplace and turning the gas on. When the pilot had been sparked, and the fire was burning merrily she looked over her shoulder at him. Familiar blue-green eyes sparkled with merriment as she put her hands in front of the fire and briskly rubbed them. "Your visitor is still asleep."

Severus sat on his couch and watched her remove her slicker and hang it from the coat rack. She picked up two tumblers, and sat across from him pouring both of them two fingers of bourbon. Severus picked his glass up without a word, and tilted it towards her.

"He's cute and real angry. Where'd he come from?"

"England." Severus sipped at the bourbon and made a face. "Where did you get this?"

She laughed and downed her own in one gulp. "The red dot. Y'know I keep asking them for better stuff, and they keep offering me this. I finally just bought it."

Severus shook his head and finished his glass before putting it down. "You should have continued to refuse. What happened to that wonderful whiskey you had?"

"I finished it last night with your friend. I still have some of that White Lightning, but it's a bit early for that. Wanna tell me what his deal is?"

Severus closed his eyes and considered his words carefully. "He is the son of a childhood friend. She died and he came here. I believe he may delusional."

She chuckled and poured herself another drink. "Aren't we all? He's a talky drunk though."

Severus lifted an eyebrow at her. "What did he say?"

"Mostly just that you were a bastard. Used some of your Brit slang, and waved his arms around angrily. Called you crazy. Went to bed, and woke me up hollering."

Severus leaned forward. "What was he yelling about?"

She shrugged and looked out the window towards the side yard. The rain had intensified while they sat talking. "Not much in the way of words. I didn't wake him, but I figured he was having nightmares something awful."

"Did he ask questions about me?"

She gave Severus a sly look. "You making stew tonight? I do love your stew. Warms a body like nothing else."

Severus had to repress the urge to chuckle. It wouldn't do to give her the idea she could easily gain a dinner invitation. "Maybe. I would have to visit town, and the weather is a hindrance to that."

She licked her lips and screwed the cap back on the bottle. "Well I maybe don't remember what he asked. I reckon I was drinking pretty heavy last night."

Severus narrowed his eyes and watched her stand up. This wouldn't be the first time she resorted to extortion. "Yes. I believe I will make stew. It is the sort of day that makes it enjoyable."

She grinned at him and pointed towards the porch. They had known each other long enough to have a series of signals that required no words. Nona wanted a cigarette, and he followed her out onto the blustery porch. She struggled to get it lit, and when it was she looked out towards the small road.

"He asked me how long you've lived here, what you were like, and how well I knew you and I told him. Seemed pretty damn pleased with my answers. Weird kid."

"He is hardly a child."

She took a long drag off her cigarette and considered the road some more. "Seems to be younger than us anyway." She patted a stray bit of hair back into place and finished her cigarette beside Severus in silence. He appreciated this about Nona more than he'd ever admit, that the woman was capable of being silent for long periods of time. She extinguished her cigarette and deposited the butt in her jeans pocket. "Want me to bring him over for stew later?"

She opened the front door and removed her slicker, sliding it back on and waving goodbye to Magellan. Severus watched her economical movements, and noticed she had left her bourbon. He considered his words carefully. "That would be fine."

"Good. I'll keep him busy till supper. Got a couple household things he can do to make up the cost of his room."

She paused for a moment and Severus knew she had something she wanted to say but couldn't phrase appropriately. Finally she turned back to him and said in that soft drawl he knew so well, "Maybe go easy on the kid? Seems kinda wounded and lonely."

She didn't wait for a response, and disappeared into the rain. Severus went back into the house, and headed for the small upstairs bathroom. With the modest amount of money left over from his parents death, and what he had saved in his years working he had been able to buy this place. It didn't have much in the way of size, but it made up for it with placement and view. It had originally been Nona's home, but she had wanted to move into the inn to better handle her guests. The purchase deal had been made over a bottle of scotch, and she had stated that she was lowering the price because it would be good to have a man nearby who could keep up with her drinking. He had never called her an alcoholic, but he had considered it. The woman could drink large amounts of liquor, and rarely ever showed it.

He showered slowly, savoring the hot water as long as it lasted. When it was gone he toweled off and dressed for town. The drive required careful handling, and he watched the oncoming lanes as he moved around downed tree branches. Hurricane season was over, but one could never be too careful. When he reached Gracie's market he parked in the almost empty lot and headed inside. Gracie was waiting to open the door for him. He moved past her with a nod and gathered the ingredients he would need before returning to the checkout. She rang him up cheerily discussing the weather, and Severus nodded politely through her steady stream of talk.

The drive back went a bit faster, and Severus made three trips to bring everything in. After he placed all the ingredients out on the counter, and dropped the onion in the freezer, he began the careful process of measuring and chopping. A Potions professor indeed. His mother had once been an excellent brewer, and Severus had taken after her in that respect. It required an eye to detail and a level of patience that Severus had always had, but there hadn't been many opportunities to develop those skills here in the States. He had briefly considered going back to the U.K. to study for a Mastery, but with his father's death and his mother's unstable state he had chosen to stay and care for her. He thought he would have made a fine professor though.

As he finely diced the garlic and stirred the melting bouillon he imagined a classroom of his own in the Hogwarts dungeons. He pictured striding in, dressed in black teaching robes. Much like a novel or a movie, Severus imagined that the trick to teaching was to begin with a good hook. How would he begin his class? The meat had browned and he added it to the pot before removing the onion from the freezer and beginning to carefully chop it. He slid the chopped onion in too and turned up the heat. Almost without conscious thought he turned to Magellan and said, "I can teach you to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper on death."

Magellan looked at him strangely, and Severus felt the strength go out of his legs. He made it to the kitchen table before he fell into one of the chairs there. The stew had begun to boil dangerously before he came back to himself. It had been a vivid fantasy, and maybe because of the story he was told the night before his imagination had added a smaller version of Harry in that fictional classroom. Furiously writing notes and peering up through glasses almost comically huge on his small face. Severus turned the heat down, and covered the stew before setting the timer. He considered the bottle of bourbon Nona had left, and then rejected it. He would not be drunk when Harry showed up spouting his stories. He'd let the man affect him enough already.

Harry and Nona arrived as Severus was testing the stew. Magellan stood silently beside the front door, pointedly waiting for Severus to open it and let Nona in. The dog had always liked Nona. When he ushered them both in out of the storm he was surprised to see that Harry seemed happy tonight. The young man was smiling like an idiot as he put his borrowed slicker on the coat rack. Nona kept shooting concerned glances at him and then looking at Severus. She moved past the two of them into the kitchen.

Severus watched Harry closely, and then gestured towards the kitchen. Harry nodded smugly and walked in, that insipid smile still on his face. This was becoming concerning. Nona had sliced the bread and put the pot on the trivet so they could serve themselves. She looked up at the two of them, and then shook her head. "Ya'll should sit down. Eating standing is a good way to get a stomachache."

Severus took his seat and ladled himself a bowl of stew. Harry followed his movements, and then as Severus was lifting the first steaming spoon to his mouth Harry leaned forward and spoke, triumph evident in his voice. "Snape, Nona here says you only moved in two years ago. What do you say to that?"


	5. Denial

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many. 

Chapter Four: Denial

"Encroachment of that old catastrophe,/ As a calm darkens among water-lights./ The pungent oranges and bright, green wings/ Seem things in some procession of the dead,/ Winding across wide water, without sound./ The day is like wide water, without sound,/ Stilled for the passing of her dreaming feet/ Over the seas"- Wallace Stevens "Sunday Morning

Severus looked from Harry's triumphant face to Nona's look of horror. He slowly returned his spoon to the bowl and stood up, placing his hands at shoulder width on the table. His fingertips traced the familiar grain of the oak as he watched Nona stand and try to take Harry's arm. The young man pulled out of her grasp.

"What's a matter Snape? Don't like being confronted with the truth?"

Once when he was very young Severus had snuck into the kitchen and poured every single bottle of alcohol out into the sink. When his father woke up and found him standing on a chair in front of the sink with the last bottle tilted over the drain Tobias had broken his nose. He remembered his mother whispering the healing spell as she stroked his hair. Then she had slapped him. The fight between her and Tobias that night had been legendary. She had argued for him, but she had hurt him. It was a dichotomy he had never forgotten, how love could be mixed so deeply with hate. Until this moment he had trusted Nona, but he hated her then so much his fingers trembled as they stroked the wood grains.

As for Harry Potter, Severus knew if the young man leaned any closer to him that would be the end of his tenuous grasp on his temper. Severus turned in Nona's direction, and without looking at her he managed to strangle out the words, "Get out."

She grabbed Harry's arm again. Harry shook her off a second time.

"You can't hide from this Snape. You're the man I've been looking for. Just admit it."

Severus heard his stew bowl crash against the counter on the other side of the kitchen. He didn't feel his hand connect with it. "GET OUT!"

He had Harry by the collar of his shirt before he knew what was happening. The young man seemed so stunned that he barely fought as Severus pried open the door and threw him out across the porch into the rain. He watched Harry skid through the grass trying to regain his balance, and when he turned to regain the steps Snape stepped back and slammed the door shut. He locked it and turned to see Nona standing in the kitchen doorway. "Listen hon-"

"I said get out. I meant you as well."

"I didn't-"

He could hear Harry pounding on the other side of the door. He raised his voice so both of them could hear him. "I would expect this from the son of James Potter, but from you this is unconscionable. Leave. Now."

Nona turned around and went out through the back door. A few moments later Severus heard low murmuring from the front porch, and then he heard the two of them leaving into the storm. Magellan peeked out from underneath a chair, and Severus stepped past him into the kitchen. He spoke the cleaning and repair spells in a tight voice, and then put preservation charms on the rest of the stew. He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, sweeping up the bourbon bottle from that morning as he made his way upstairs.

The next fifteen minutes were a blank when he considered them later. When he came back to himself his bedroom was trashed and his fist dripped with blood. He swept mirror shards from the bed and began to drink from the bottle. How could she take part in this deception? Why was Lily's son so adamant to hurt him? It had to have been something James said to him before he died, but Severus couldn't imagine what. He would go to Charleston the next day and send his letter. He would get the troublemaker removed from his life, and then he could go back to the way things were. Maybe one day he would even forgive Nona. He drank until oblivion claimed him.

In the morning the rain had ended, but the sea remained a stormy and troubled grey. Severus rubbed his temples as he stared out at the waves. He wished he had a lab here. It had been a long time since he brewed, but a hangover potion would have been a simple recipe. Instead he had Muggle analgesics and water. He stared at the waves as they crashed forward. His previously wounded hand held a warm mug of coffee, and he wasn't surprised to hear a timid female voice speak from the edge of his lawn.

"Severus I'm sorry. I truly am."

"I am not ready to speak to you."

"Hon just…just look at the contract for the house sale ok? Just look at it."

She left, and Severus let his muscles relax. He thought of the week after Magellan had come to live with him. Nona had come over with a bottle of moonshine and insisted it was time for him to drink like a Southerner. His first sip had informed him it was a tradition he had no interest in. His eighth sip told him it was a wonderful concoction. He found himself discussing still construction with Nona as Magellan barked at anything that moved. They had ended the night laying on the sand, the dog barking at the waves, and Nona telling him about local superstition. She had discussed the local belief in the "Grey Man", an entity that supposedly warned locals of impending hurricanes. When Severus asked if she knew anyone who had seen him she had squinted into the waves.

"Well I knew a lady once who said she saw him before Hugo, that was a real big hurricane that hit here long time ago, but I don't think it was true."

Severus stared at the waves as he tried to recall exactly what he had asked her next. It finally came to him as he stood and went back into the kitchen. He had asked her why she didn't believe. In a voice so solemn and serious Severus had been forced to look at her, she had responded with, "She didn't leave. Storm killed her young son and left her alive. Had I of seen something like that I would've run like hell."

Then, after taking another sip of the moonshine she had turned to Severus, "It's a testament to the people here they love their homes enough to fight for 'em, but she wasn't fighting nothing that could've been tamed. Sometimes it's right to stand against a storm. Sometimes you gotta get the hell out of dodge."

For the first four days Harry came every afternoon and banged on Severus' door. At first he was angry and demanding, and then he became whinging and plaintive. Severus ignored both moods, and on the fifth day he didn't return. Every time he considered going to Charleston to send his message he would find something else that needed to be done. A week after the disastrous dinner Severus found himself in the attic sorting through boxes. The fourth one he landed on happened to have the sale papers for the home. He stared at them for an hour before taking them to the back porch to listen to the waves. The sky was bright today, and the cold wind pulled at the contract in his fist as he considered whether to open them or not. He knew that entertaining their prank was a dangerous path.

Finally he opened the papers and scanned his eyes down the legal language till he reached the date he had signed. It was two years ago. With trembling hands he smoothed the papers and considered them carefully. The date was in his handwriting, and there was no sign of tampering evident. He stood and went into the kitchen where he carefully laid the contract on the counter and looked around the house. He remembered moving in, and he remembered Nona helping him do so. He remembered ten tourist seasons, and ten off seasons. He remembered all of it. He found himself lying on the couch staring up at the ceiling above him. Sleep snuck up and stole him before he knew what was happening.

In his dream Severus was standing in a dingy hallway with Harry Potter. A portrait upstairs shouted anti-Muggle slurs as he and Harry headed down the hall to a room with dirty chairs and a torn couch. Harry sat on the floor in front of the fireplace and stared into the ashes.

Finally Severus could take the silence no longer. "Indulging in a spot of self-pity Potter?"

Harry looked over his shoulder, and Severus saw that his lips were pale, and his face was smudged and tired. "You said 'look at me', and I finally did."

Severus felt uneasy. "I had to give you one last lesson, and hope you would finally listen."

Harry's hand moved forward and sifted through the ashes idly. "I listened. I listened and I died just like I was supposed to."

Severus took a step forward and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder. The boy's skin was frozen solid, and Severus began to shake uncontrollably. Harry turned his head slowly, and Severus saw that his eyes were glazed over. When he spoke it came out in a croak. "You've forgotten me. You've forgotten me and left me in the halls of the dead."

Severus awoke with a start, his heart pounding fast in his chest and sweat on his brow. Magellan was whimpering beside him, and he rose and poured out dinner for the dog before going upstairs to wash. The dream followed him, and he wandered outside under the moonlight and over to Nona's dock house. He found her in front of her loom, weaving as loud music boomed through the stereo system. When he touched her shoulder she jumped, and then smiled at him warmly.

"You ready to listen now hon?"


	6. Acceptance

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Five: Acceptance

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on."-Robert Frost

He sat across from her, and when she reached for the bottle he took it from her. She didn't ask for it back, or argue with him. Instead she simply swallowed and focused on keeping eye contact with him.

"I gotta explain something to you, and I think you already know some of it. I ain't the best kinda friend you coulda made, but I've tried to be better than how I started this thing. You're the first person I've met down here that didn't judge me for my drinking, and that was a powerful temptation. The first time you came to see me to buy the house you acted polite but distant. Almost confused like. I figured you were foreign and kinda outta place."

She lit a cigarette, and Severus noticed a slight tremble to her hands. She looked past him at the door to the dock house, and then she returned her eyes to his face. "You came back a week later and acted like you'd known me forever. It was so nice, you know? At first I thought you were just real friendly, but then I realized you had some kind of made up history in your head. I shoulda told you the truth, but you seemed so happy with it I didn't want to hurt you."

"You mean you did not want to lose my friendship?"

She looked down, shame written across her face. "Yeah that too."

"So I was exhibiting signs of psychosis and you played along to keep your imaginary friend?"

She colored and took a long drag of her cigarette before looking up to meet his eyes again. "Yeah I did that. I'm sorry Severus, but I can't change that."

He considered it for a moment, and then took a deep breath. "Did I pay for the house in cash?"

She nodded.

"How did I hear about the house? Did I mention that?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment, blowing smoke towards the ceiling. "Well you said you'd been looking for a long time. That it was the first place that fit most of your requirements."

"Most?"

She frowned, and he could see she was trying to recall exact words. "You said you wanted a basement, but you knew you wouldn't find one 'round here. Cause of the sea level. Said it was inescapable."

Severus considered this for a moment. He had wanted a basement? The attic in his home was perfectly acceptable for storage. Could he have come here with the intention of brewing?

"Why did I want a basement?"

She chewed her lip and put out her cigarette. "Something bout some experiments you wanted to do. Said you were a scientist of some sort. You never brought it up again, so I thought you must've decided you didn't want to do that anymore."

Severus leaned forward, his whole body tense. A scientist of some sort. He must have been alluding to brewing. So he had come here with some memory of the past Harry attributed to him? It made no sense. If he was the man Harry insisted he was when had he lost his memory? More importantly where was the terrible scar he should have had from the attack that supposedly killed him?

"Where is Harry?"

She stood and pointed in the direction of the inn. Severus followed her up the path to the back door, where they found Harry sitting on the back porch. Nona went past him without a word and into the house. When she came back out she placed glasses in front of all of them, and then poured each person a stiff drink. She took a gulp of hers before looking at Severus defiantly. "I know you're angry with me, and you got every right to be, but you're still my friend. Let's figure this out together."

The sun had begun to rise by the time the alcohol was noticeably affecting Nona. Harry had been careful with his consumption. Severus knew he was somewhere between drunk and the border of very drunk. He refused a refill from Nona, and watched her finish off the bottle. He looked at Harry blearily. The two of them had been forced to discuss things in cryptic circles in an attempt to avoid revealing the world of Wizards to Nona. He fished for the version of his alleged death that they had used.

"So the killer's pet snake attacked me, and I was bleeding out when I told you about my history with your mother."

Harry nodded, and then visibly swayed letting Severus know he hadn't been careful enough.

"Then you left, and when you came back I was gone and there was no sign of blood."

Harry nodded again, and then peered at Nona. She was laying back on the porch swing, a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a look of hard confusion on her face. She was studying the porch fan.

"I told the others that I didn't think you were dead, but no one believed me. So eventually I started looking for you." Harry burped, and Nona giggled.

Suddenly Nona sat up, upsetting the swinging bench she was on and toppling to the ground. Severus was impressed that her cigarette came out of it alright. "What about that thing Sev'rus?"

"What thing?"

"That thing you explained to me. About the worlds where you're not you and such. The movie thing!"

She looked enormously pleased with herself. Severus had to cast back through his hazy mind to try to grasp her reference, and when it came to him he had to shake his head. "The issue of my confused timeline makes quantum theories highly unlikely."

She staggered her way up and then pushed herself along the wall towards the back door. "I'm going to bed. I'll figure it out in the morning."

Harry giggled from his seat while finishing the last of his drink. Severus raised an eyebrow at him and Harry pointed to the sun rising over the ocean. "It's already morning."

For several minutes Severus silently stared at the red and orange water. It was beautiful and ominous, and one of Severus' favorite sights. From closer than he had been a moment before Harry said, "Beautiful isn't it?"

Severus jerked around to see that Harry had sat beside him on the bench, and he turned quickly back to the water. Those green eyes lit by the morning sun had been too luminous to look at for long. He cleared his throat. "Yes. I am quite fond of it. Tell me what you lost Harry?"

Beside him the man shifted uncomfortably and then found a slouching position that seemed to please him. "When you disappeared everyone wanted to say you were dead. They didn't understand why I wanted to find you. I was told that I was obsessed. One by one my friends gave up. Hermione will still talk to me, but Ron is mad about Ginny."

"Ginny?"

"She was my girlfriend. We were going to seriously pursue the relationship after the war, but I was looking for you. She gave me an ultimatum. You or her, and I chose finding you."

Severus was momentarily flabbergasted. Harry had given up his girlfriend to find a man he didn't even really like? He didn't realize he'd asked the question aloud till Harry responded.

"I couldn't leave it like that. You'd done so much for me, for all of us, and they barely gave you any credit beyond clearing your name. You deserved better. You deserved a Chocolate Frog card and a plaque and a parade. Something more. "

Severus was absurdly touched and deeply disappointed. "Harry-"

"Please, you have to call me Potter. I know it's weird for you, but I can assure you it's weirder for me to hear you call me Harry."

Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Potter you sacrificed your life for nothing. I would suggest you go back to England immediately and see if you can fix things with this young woman."

Harry grabbed his shoulder and forcefully turned him. "You're wrong. I'm not wasting my time you are him!"

Severus looked down at the hand on his shoulder and the young man removed it. With as much dignity and balance as he could muster he stood and brushed sand off his trousers. "Potter you have to consider something. Nona told me I was talking about brewing when I first came here. I must have had my memories then. That ruins your theory that I lost my memory due to Nagini's bite."

Harry stared at him, a look of confusion settling onto his face. "Well yeah, but that means we can focus on other possibilities. A Death Eater curse or some kind of trauma or something."

"Potter. Nona said I mentioned brewing when I came here. I currently don't remember ever have anything more than a passing interest in brewing. That means when I first bought the house I knew something about the life you've been describing."

Harry stared at him intensely for a bit, before slumping backwards in his chair and letting out a deep breath. "Fuck."

"Yes, fuck is probably the correct word. There is a distinct possibility I did this to myself."

A/N: I'd like to say I'm sorry this has taken so long. There have been a number of personal issues that have cropped up in the last two months including the deaths of two loved ones. Writing has been hard. My fiancée told me last night that starting today our year is going to better. I'm going to celebrate that by putting more time into this story.


	7. Agreement

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Six: Agreement

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."-Mark Twain

There was an old man sitting in front of him considering a chessboard between them. Severus was playing on the black side, and it appeared that he was losing quite badly. The old man moved his Bishop, took Severus' Queen, and then met Severus' gaze with twinkling blue eyes. "I'm awfully sorry about that. It couldn't be helped you know."

Unbidden, Severus responded, "How can I go on without her?"

The old man tilted his head and pointed to the back of the board, where Severus' King sat protected only by a lonely looking Rook. "You still have him."

"I do not want him. I never wanted him."

The old man smiled and moved one of his Pawns, "Well that may have been so, but it seems that you no longer feel that way."

Severus woke to find Nona standing over him. She had a glass of water in one hand and aspirin in the other. She didn't speak, but handed him the gifts and then went over to prod Harry with her toe. She frowned when the young man snored and rolled over ignoring her. Severus took the pills and tried to remember falling asleep on Nona's hard wooden swing. When that wouldn't come to him he tried to remember why he hadn't gone home. Nona had disappeared back into the house, and Severus got up stiffly and headed across the sand to his own home. Magellan met him in the front yard, and displayed what he thought of Severus forgetting his breakfast by pointedly refusing to be petted. Severus filled his bowl and then headed for his own shower. When he came back down the little dog was more amiable, and followed Severus all around the kitchen.

It had become a tradition that whenever he and Nona had these drinking bouts he would cook breakfast in the morning. He laid out pans and turned the heat up while he moved around the kitchen. It still felt like he had been here ten years, but Nona insisted it had only been two. It was strange to consider such a thing. His hands moved mechanically as he cracked eggs and added milk, as he laid bacon out in the pan and listened to it sizzle. If his life had really been the way Harry described it he could understand why he would want to remove those memories. To be at fault for the death of Lily Evans, to be a traitor to everything he believed in, and to kill a man that he supposedly loved like a traditional father… the very thought of it made him cringe. He wasn't sure if he even wanted those memories back. He turned the bacon over and poured the eggs into the pan.

Despite his lack of desire for recovering the memories he was determined to find a way. Severus Snape had never been a coward, not in this life or his lost one. He kept in the back of his mind the possibility that it was still some kind of grand mistake, a coincidence that couldn't be seen from his current vantage point. If he was honest with himself, and he always was, then he knew that there was no logical explanation that would allow for that, but the matter of the scar still put Harry's version of Severus' past into question. His fingers absently ran over the smooth skin of his neck before returning to flip bacon out of the pan and put more in. As he was finishing the eggs Nona and Harry came in through the back door, Magellan giving them one lazy bark before going back to staring intently at the small pile of meat on the counter.

Harry nursed his coffee and picked at his breakfast. Every now and then he would glare at Nona as she wolfed down her own meal with no apparent concern for her stomach. Severus had compassion for his plight, as when he first began to drink with Nona he too had found the hangovers almost unbearable. He picked at his own breakfast, still not capable of matching her post-drinking gusto. Halfway through her meal Nona jerked upwards and smiled brightly. Severus raised an eyebrow, and she pointed at him with her fork, a piece of egg falling off onto the table.

"Severus, what about that thing you do when you're drunk? Could that be a clue?"

He pushed his plate forward and considered her for a moment. "What thing?"

"That thing, you know, the one where stuff moves?"

Harry's eyes slowly lifted from his plate, and he put down his own fork and watched Nona. "Things move?"

Nona nodded eagerly. "Ya both do it every now and then when you're drinking. You wave your hands and things move. Maybe ya'll are part of some supernatural thing, like a Stephen King novel, and some agency wiped your memories!"

Severus felt his hand tighten on his fork. How many times had he used magic in front of her while drunk? How had she never mentioned this before? He swallowed and moved his eyes to Harry, who looked pale and concerned. Harry met his gaze, and then gestured with his hand in a way that let Severus know he was leaving the explanation up to him. Severus turned back to look at Nona.

"Have I ever done anything other than move things?"

She shook her head, and then shoveled another forkful of egg into her mouth. "It was always so casual I figured you knew you did it. Did you forget you could do that like you forgot everything else?"

Severus had to consider his plate for a moment. This could be serious trouble, and he wasn't sure how to handle it. His head jerked up too fast when Harry started to speak, and he saw spots for a moment before his vision cleared and he could focus on the man.

"Nona, you can't mention that to anyone else. Snape and I are part of a world where outsiders aren't allowed to know anything. We could go get into a lot of trouble if you told someone about that."

She grinned broadly and finished her eggs before getting up to put her plate into the sink. "Just tell me one thing and I'll leave it alone. Is that the real story? Severus lost his memory cause of something special like that?"

Harry met her steady gaze and nodded solemnly. Nona's grin became a wicked expression that sent shivers down Severus' spine, "Well damn Harry, you been wasting time beating around the bush like this. You shoulda told me to leave so you could talk about it. I guess that decides it."

Harry looked as puzzled as Severus felt. He leaned towards Nona and glanced once at Severus before asking, "Decides what?"

"Ya'll need to work this out together, and I can't be here for your talking. So we'll move you into Severus' house till you figure it out. I'll go pack up your bag."

Nona was out the door before either Severus or Harry could collect themselves enough to begin to argue. Severus stood and scraped his plate into Magellan's bowl while he listened to Harry's mind clicking over the conversation to find the moment when he had been forcefully relocated, and finally he heard the young man swallow and say, "I'm sure when she comes back we can talk her out of this."

Severus let the silence stretch while he thought about the most logical move. Nona was right that it would be Harry who would help Severus reclaim his lost memories, and she was right that they couldn't do that with her always around listening to their conversations. She knew he could move things without touching them, but that could be attributed to some form of ESP that didn't include magic or the Wizarding World, and if she continued to think that there would be a minimal amount of fallout if anyone ever realized she knew something she shouldn't. He wasn't necessarily enthused that he would have a housemate, and one that was so explosive would have untold damage to his collective calm, but it could help him find out what had happened to his memories.

It didn't hurt that pretending that he was perfectly fine with the idea would drive Harry insane.  
>He turned and looked directly at the young man. "I think it's a wonderful idea." A moment later Nona burst through the door with Harry's bag and a bright smile.<p>

"You two are going to do great, and I'll stop by every night for dinner to check on you. Have fun boys!" With that she disappeared back through the door, and Severus had time to consider she had only been gone long enough to reach her house and return. He shook his head and suppressed his grin as Harry stared in bewilderment at his bag sitting on the floor.

Finally Harry seemed to gather himself, and he stood and picked his bag up from the floor before looking around the kitchen. "Uhh, where would you like me to sleep?"

Severus watched him for a moment before sweeping past into the living room. He waited for Harry to catch up to him before gesturing to the couch. Harry stared at it for a moment before laying his bag carefully down behind the armchair. "Is it ok if I transfigure it every night?"

"As long as you change it back every morning. I have at least an hour in the mornings and evenings where I watch the sunset and the sunrise. I would appreciate it if you could be quiet during those times. I do not have a lab, so we will begin by brainstorming the ways my memory could have been altered. Once we have a list we will work through that list, testing each theory and searching for the most likely. If we know the cause we can find a way to reverse it. You will spend today writing out everything you know about the snake's poison, and which of Voldemort's followers are still alive, on the loose, and carrying a grudge against me. Understood?"

Harry's eyes turned to him, and Severus couldn't help but notice that they were a vibrant and hopeful shade of green that he had never seen before. It took him a moment to realize the young man was speaking. "- simply amazing."

"What?"

"You were just like your old self for a moment."


	8. Timeline

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Seven: Timeline

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be." –Marcel Pagnol

That night as Severus watched the sunset Harry sat soundlessly beside him and stared out across the ocean with him. Every once and a while he would allow Nona to join him during this time, but it was a rare occurrence. He was surprised to find that he wasn't annoyed by Harry's assumption that he would want company. Instead he watched as the colors shifted across the water, and the waves crashed into the shore. When he was little he had seen pictures of the ocean in magazines and textbooks, but the first time he saw it in person was a moment he would never forget. It was the sheer magnitude of it, and the glorious weightlessness it had offered him. He had spent hours his first few weeks here staring out at the horizon.

Or had he? Everything he knew had been put into question, and here he sat reminiscing as if it was all alright. There was no telling what was real and what wasn't. Without turning his head he glanced at Harry sitting next to him. The young man stared out across the water, and Severus had time to covertly appraise the strong line of his jaw, and the glow in his green eyes. They really did look a bit like the ones he remembered Lily having, but it had all been so long ago. As a child he had been fascinated by Lily's eyes not so much because of the color, but because he had never seen eyes express so many positive emotions. His mother's eyes always looked on the verge of tears, and his father's always had that hateful drunken glaze. Lily had been so open to conversation, and so willing to be kind that Severus had found himself swept up in her within moments.

He remembered Harry saying he was in love with Lily, and it made him wonder. He had certainly been infatuated with her, but they had been children. It was natural to develop crushes at that age that faded rather quickly. His had begun to lose its steam when she was sorted into Gryffindor, and after a year in the States the sting of losing Lily as a friend had faded. There had been too much to concentrate on in the present to be caught up in the past. Now the past had come back to attack him. Severus broke his own rule about his hour of silence by brushing the hair off Harry's forehead and asking, "How did you receive this scar?"

Harry jumped at his touch, and then his own fingers went to the scar in question. He rubbed it for a moment before turning to face Severus. "When Voldemort killed my mother the curse was aimed at me. She took the brunt of it, and I got the scar."

Severus considered that for a moment. "She must have loved you very much."

"Yes. I suppose she did." His voice was bitter, and he turned back to the water.

"Why is that a bad thing?"

"This scar has defined me for my entire life. This scar was the reason I was left with relatives that hated and feared me. It's the reason people thought I should murder a man I didn't know as a child. It's the reason my whole life has been filled with death and sadness."

"It is also proof that you have been loved more than life at least once. There is something to that Potter that you should never forget. Some of us never experience it."

He heard Magellan give a gruff bark before the bell rang, and he stood and went inside without looking at Harry.

Nona was standing on the other side of the door juggling bags of take-away, her purse, and three giant poster boards. Severus wordlessly took the take-away from her and led her into the kitchen. She dropped the poster board on to the floor and sat heavily in a chair at the table. Severus set the table, and then watched her dole a generous helping of fried rice on her plate before covering it with pepper steak. She wielded the chopsticks gracefully as she ate, and Harry joined them moments later and silently began to fill his own plate.

Severus was willing to wait for Nona to explain the poster board, but Harry didn't seem to have the same patience. He finally pointed at them and asked through a mouthful of food, "What are those for?"

Nona smiled, "A timeline. The three of us are all gonna make a timeline of important events in Severus' life, and then ya'll are gonna compare 'em. It should help us organize what did and didn't happen, and maybe we can go from there. I've finished mine."

Severus looked at the boards, and then at Nona who was almost done with her food. "Did you come up with this on your own?"

She gave him an affronted look, and then devoured the last piece of pepper steak, "Well yeah. It seemed logical. Anyway I can't help for a day or two 'cause I'm headed to Charleston."

He bit back a grin and tried to sound uninterested. "What's in Charleston?"

"I'm gonna go see that man again. We've got some plans for the weekend, and since the inn is empty I figured it'd be good for me."

"I was not aware you were capable of dating the same man for so long."

She threw a chopstick at him laughing, and Harry followed the conversation like an audience at a tennis match. "Severus Snape, are you jealous?"

"Very." He watched her splutter for a moment before waving a hand at him.

"You hush. You and I both know I'm not your type. Stop flattering a gal you ain't got no intentions towards."

Harry leaned forward into the conversation his beef and broccoli momentarily forgotten. "You two aren't involved?"

Severus looked at him in surprise and Nona began to laugh heartily. "Nah hon, I got the wrong equipment for that. Although when he first came here I was damn interested."

Harry's face turned pale and he looked between Severus and Nona with shock. The laughter in the room died quickly, and Severus felt everything inside him tense. Nona bit her lip and fiddled with her chopsticks. The silence became so oppressive that Magellan gave up waiting for scraps and crept into the living room. Finally Severus broke the silence. "Is this a problem Potter?" The disdain in his voice was so thick it surprised even him.

Harry began to choke on his response, and Nona stood up and slapped him on the back harder than was necessary before putting her plate into the sink. Her face was tight, and she stepped outside to smoke without her customary look to Severus or a joking word. Finally Harry managed to get a hold of himself, and with a face burning redder than Severus had ever seen he said, "It's just…you love…you loved my mom!"

Severus gripped his own chopsticks and considered his chicken for a moment before he met Harry's confused eyes. "I was a child, and your mother offered me something I could not get anywhere else. As I grew up my tastes tended to stray to other quarters. Are you uncomfortable now Potter? I enjoy the company of men. If it makes you feel better I'm not interested in scrawny children."

Harry stood violently, and the chair skittered back behind him. "I'm neither scrawny nor a child, and I'm certainly not interested in who you're interested in…being interested in!" He stormed out of the room and joined Nona on the porch. Severus boxed up all of the leftovers, and then washed the plates hoping that keeping his hands busy would keep him from doing more damage. If the man was uncomfortable with homosexuality that was his choice, and it didn't really matter what Harry thought of him did it? But that look in those eyes. Severus hadn't wanted to see it there, and he was disappointed that he had. That surprise and disappointment made him angrier, because he was not in the habit of wanting acceptance from people. He glanced out the window to see Nona waving her hands, and speaking angrily. He almost pitied Harry. Almost. Nona extinguished her cigarette and pocketed it before walking back through the door. She looked at Severus for a long and silent moment before walking forwards and hugging him tightly. Harry had crept in behind her, and he watched the exchange with a shamed face.

"He gives you any trouble hon you kick his ass out. I'll be at the Restoration on King. You got the number." She left without looking at Harry, and the front door slammed behind her. Magellan gave a disapproving bark from the living room, and Severus heard the door open long enough for Nona to apologize to the dog and then close it quietly. In the silence she left behind Severus avoided looking at Harry.

Harry rubbed his scar, and then stepped forward and said, "Please just listen for a moment ok? If you want to kick me out right afterwards fine, but just hear me out."

Severus gave a tight nod and finished drying the plates. He sat down across from Harry at the table, and his fingers traced the grain of the wood.

"I am trying very hard to get used to the changes in you. You're…friendlier and that's been the hardest one. For the longest time I thought you were a git, and that there was nothing good about you. When I learned the truth about what you had been doing, and why you had done it my whole world view was sort of shattered. Now I come here and you're actually approachable and kinda nice. It's very hard for me. So to hear this, that you didn't love my mother, it destroys all the good things I learned about you. You risked your life all the time to save me because you loved her. You turned your back on your friends, and became a spy because you loved her. You cared about my well-being because of her. If you don't love her than all of that means nothing to you."

Severus remained perfectly still as Harry's voice became more passionate, and he refused to meet the older man's eyes. Finally Harry did look up, and the intensity of green was enough to make Severus pause and consider. "Also I am not a child, and I may be short but I'm powerful. Being insulted by you again after such a long period of you being friendly just kind of set me off. So I'm sorry I exploded on you, and I'm sorry I made you feel like I had an issue with your sexuality. I don't. It's just…that thing you said earlier about someone loving you more than life? You loved my mother that way. You have experienced that."

Severus gripped his hand tightly, and then released it. "No Potter. Even in your version of history I have never experienced it. I have only given it."

With that he stood and moved across the room to grab up the poster boards and the markers Nona had dropped in front of them. He gave Harry a red marker and a blank board, propped Nona's up on one of the kitchen chairs, and then sat down with his own black marker and board.

"Let us begin Potter."


	9. Progress

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Eight: Progress

"There's a struggle. How do you live if you're ruled by your past? But, how do you let go of a past that made you?"-Julie Ingram "The Lazarus Project"

There was one glorious hour of silence, interrupted only by the ticking of the kitchen clock and the occasional squeak of the markers. In that time Severus considered everything that had happened since leaving Hogwarts that was important. According to Harry's story that was where their timelines split, and so he picked through his memories for moments that were life-changing.

He placed his graduation from the American academy and his post-graduation training, but left out the fight his father had begun when Severus announced his career plans. He put the date of his father's death and skipped five months down the line to record his mother's passing. He put the date he believed he had moved in and when he found Magellan. He considered the line for a moment before skipping back to place his first sale. It had after all been the impetus to move to a place that would allow him time and space to work without the ghosts of his parents following him. Harry's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"What about the first time you were with a man?"

Severus considered the board instead of Harry. "Why would I place that on the timeline?"

"Well, it seems important. It's different than my line and…it seems important."

Severus looked up to see that Harry was flushed and nervous. He let the man dangle for a moment in that awkward silence before asking, "Important how?"

Harry looked down at his own line and then pointed to an event towards the end. "That's where you told Dumbledore you've always loved my mother. I think you being with a man is a pretty important opposing moment to that."

Severus ran his marker down the line to the entry about his training and added the name Leon underneath it. He looked at Harry staring at the word. "Does that satisfy your curiosity Mr. Potter?"

"Who's Leon?"

"Is that important? Is there a Leon in your timeline that had a different role in my life?"

"No. I just wondered."

"Leon was my teacher."

Harry looked up shocked. "He molested you?"

Severus had to bite the inside of his cheek for a moment to gain control of his responses. It wouldn't do to laugh at the young man, but the earnest indignation was really too much. "No. I was legally of age, and I instigated the contact."

"But…he was so much older than you. Wasn't that weird?"

"Not at all. It was…hard to speak to my contemporaries. I found that Leon was a good listener and capable of matching me intellectually. My background made it difficult to engage with people my age. My physical appearance made it impossible."

Harry looked away and Severus couldn't help but notice the look of shame on his face. He let it go. "Would you like to see what I do for a living Mr. Potter?"

Harry nodded and Severus stood, gesturing for him to follow. They exited the house and headed through the sparse grass to the storage building on the side of the house. Severus opened the door and let Harry step inside first before he leaned in to turn on the lights. Harry made a sound in the back of his throat, and then hesitantly approached the sculpture in the center of the room. His fingers traced the smooth marble in front of him as his eyes traveled over the piece.

It was undoubtedly one of Severus' best, but he had yet to show it to anyone. His agent had been chomping at the bit for a glimpse, and Nona had begged him for two hours to just tell her what the subject was. Harry's reaction was worth making him the first. He watched as the young man felt the many details along the relief's surface. His fingers lingered longest on the tree in the center before sweeping down to touch the weeping man's face. He didn't turn to Severus when he spoke. His eyes remained glued on the sight before him.

"You did this? You made this?"

Severus smiled and moved to Harry's side. "Yes. It is not quite finished." His fingers traced the smooth surface to the man's left. "There is something that needs to born here, but I am not sure what yet. The stone has been silent for several days."

"The stone?" Harry glanced at him briefly before looking back to the work.

"Leon taught me that an artist must listen to his material. That true art is only delivered by the artist, and born from the stone itself."

Harry finally looked at Severus fully, and there was a strange sadness there. "Is this you?"

Severus was almost taken aback. He hadn't considered it really. A weeping man? Why would he be weeping? His past was far behind him here. The ocean had swept it away and left only the man he wanted to be. With Nona and Magellan Severus was able to simply exist, and that sort of freedom had long since absolved him of the guilt he had felt watching his mother waste away. He knew logically staying wouldn't have slowed his father's death. The man had been too attached to his bottle and no argument his son had made would have swayed him. Despite his mother's accusations Severus knew that Tobias Snape had been determined to have his way no matter what it did to those around him.

His fingers brushed Harry's as he traced the man crying and considered the question. He hadn't thought of himself when he had been making it. He hadn't really thought of anything. Instead his focus had been on the stone itself, and the shape he believed to be waiting beneath its smooth surface. When he turned back to Harry he saw the young man was staring at his fingertips. When Severus spoke his voice was huskier than normal.

"I have no reason to weep Harry."

Harry swallowed once before looking up at him. "Everyone has a reason to weep."

Severus lay in bed that night looking up at his ceiling. He could Harry downstairs moaning on the couch. The young man sounded like he was in distress, and Severus was unsure of the best plan of action. Magellan sat beside the bed looking at the bedroom door. Occasionally he turned to glance at Severus before looking back at the door. Finally Severus pushed himself out of bed and walked down the stairs to the living room. Harry had transfigured the couch into a small bed, and he was currently sprawled sideways across it. His sheets had tangled around his feet, and his exposed skin boasted gooseflesh everywhere Severus could see. The man apparently slept only in boxers, and Severus couldn't help but notice how lean and toned he was. Harry certainly wasn't as beefy as the fashion currently seemed to dictate, a fact Severus liked.

He drank in the sight for a moment only a little ashamed of himself. The rise of Harry's prominent hipbones and his lightly-haired chest attracted the artist in him, and while the man was no Greek God Severus had to admit he would make a fine model. He shook himself slightly and moved forward to shake Harry awake. He only managed to put his hand on the man's arm before Harry was sitting up with his wand pressed into Severus' sternum. He seemed to take several moments to focus, and once he had he put his wand away he looked ashamed. Severus moved past him to turn the gas fireplace on and warm the room up. He let Harry collect himself silently before he began to leave the room.

"Snape wait."

Severus stopped in the doorway that led to the stairs. He didn't turn to Harry, but he inclined his head to let him know he was listening.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this."

Now Severus did turn, and he met Harry's bleary green eyes. There were the traces of tears there, and Severus wondered how many sights the young man had to take in to earn nightmares this intense.

"What are you doing?"

"Making you remember. That man in your sculpture? That's the man you were. If you remember that's the man you'll be again."

Severus came back into the living room, and sat with his back against the wall so that he was close enough to study Harry, but far enough away to give the young man space. He watched as Harry fumbled for his glasses and pushed them on. The firelight danced strangely across his face, and Severus appraised it with a critical eye. He remembered the nightmare where he had found Harry sitting in front of a fireplace full of ashes. That strange look was there again, and Severus didn't particularly care for it.

"Did you like me at all Mr. Potter?"

Harry looked so shocked Severus was torn between laughing and scowling. He settled for a neutral middle ground.

"Not really. You were always sort of a bastard to me."

"Then why would you care if you hurt me? If the purpose of you coming here is to regain the old me to assuage your guilt over my treatment than my enjoyment of it should be secondary."

Harry looked fully annoyed now. "You agreed to this."

"I did, and for my own reasons. Just tell me why you suddenly feel guilty."

Harry looked away for only a moment, and then he rubbed his scar as he turned back to look at Severus. It was hard to tell if he was blushing again, or simply soaking up the reds from the fire.

"I like this you. I feel bad about hurting this you."


	10. Warning

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many. 

Chapter Nine: Warning 

"Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?/ Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts. / So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess, / And to stop the muscle that makes us confess. " –Ingrid Michaelson "Breakable" 

_I like this you._What was that supposed to mean? Severus stood at the foot of his bed in the dark staring out the window at the ocean. What exactly was Harry playing at here? One minute he seemed perfectly normal and the next he was acting like a schoolboy with a crush. The blushing, what was the blushing about? He had reacted so badly to Severus' sexual orientation and now he was asking leading questions about it. It made absolutely no sense. Severus would think he was reading the whole situation wrong if it wasn't for the damned blushing. There was nothing that could make the man be interested in him. Severus was sure of that if nothing else. After all he knew well enough what his strengths and weaknesses were, and he was not the sort of man that young men fell for.

Magellan let out a small woof, and Severus moved out of the dog's favorite spot and back to the door. He crept down the stairs and looked into the living room, but Harry appeared to have fallen asleep. Severus went out the back door and around to his storage building. He turned on the lights and stared at his latest work. When he had first met Leon he thought the man was completely out of his reach. He knew that it wasn't his personality or his looks that had attracted Leon. His talent had ensnared his teacher, and Severus believed now that it was a strange way for Leon to elevate himself in spite of his own limitations. His teacher had been marvelous at technique, but when it came to execution his work was often flat and lifeless. Severus had never had trouble pouring passion into the stone, and it showed with every piece he did.

His first sale had been a work of beauty that had netted him a handsome amount of cash. He had let Leon see it before the sale and his former teacher had been both breathless and enraged at the sight of his work. Severus wasn't terribly surprised by Leon's reactions. After all it was a very realistic depiction of Leon and his newest prodigy wrapped around each other. Severus had tried to be enraged finding Leon in this state, but the feeling just wouldn't come to him. His mother had been dead for three weeks, and Severus just wanted to leave everything he had been behind. He had taken the money from his sale and left for the East Coast.

His fingers moved over the spot beside the weeping man and considered the smooth stone. He could feel the heat of its intention, and he knew that whatever the man was weeping over it had to be done just so or else the entire piece would be ruined. He had never had a work hang so precariously on one detail. He moved across the floor to the portable heater Nona had gotten him the Christmas before and turned it on. He stroked the tools lined up on his workbench before choosing his smallest chisel and his riffler. He laid them both on the tray beside the sculpture and then picked out a mallet and went to the stereo system he had installed two years before. He chose the most soothing music he could. He didn't know if the sound would wake Harry, but the stone had begun speaking and that was all Severus could think of.

When he felt the hand on his shoulder he woke from the first dreamless sleep he had enjoyed since Harry came crashing into his life. He looked up at the young man and felt a tremendous pull in his neck. He was too old to be sleeping in the old armchair in the storage building. He rubbed at it gently and watched as Harry walked past him to look at the statue. The young man ran his fingers over the raised surfaces and then turned to look back at Severus.

"What does this mean?"

Severus stood behind him and looked over his shoulder at the finished product. Lying on the ground beside the weeping man was the same man. This time he looked peaceful and happy, but there was a strange tilt to his head and a peaceful quality to his face that suggested he was no longer breathing. Rubbing his neck was aggravating his sore biceps, but he kept it up so he would be able to turn his head properly.

"What does this mean Snape?"

Severus rubbed harder as he considered. What did it mean? Harry had thought the crying man was Severus himself, and he may have been right. That could be the Severus Harry had once known, and if it was then the Severus lying dead on the ground would be the man that stood behind Harry now. If he reclaimed that man would he lose his talent with stone? What would he do as Professor Snape? Go back to teaching children that, by all accounts, feared and hated him? Stay in dungeons away from his beloved ocean and inhale fumes daily while waiting for holidays away from the stresses of teaching?

"It means I do not want to find the man you are looking for." 

Severus left Harry standing dumbfounded in front of the statue. The bath was calling, and he would be damned if he didn't answer it. He filled the tub with the hottest water he could stand and then submerged himself in the steaming liquid. The soft scent of lavender bath salts filled his prominent nose as he let his screaming muscles relax into the water. When the door burst open he looked up to see Harry staring at him with a wild look in his eye. He wasn't sure if he should cover himself or feign indignation. He settled for placing his hands on the tub's sides and raising one questioning eyebrow. If Harry was intimidated or concerned with his nudity he showed no sign. He sat on the toilet opposite Severus.

"How could you not want to know about yourself? I don't understand."

"Who would want to be the man you knew Harry? Who would want to be that miserable old recluse? Responsible for the deaths of all the people that loved him? A traitor? A bastard? I love this place, and this life, and the people I have filled it with. If I am your old professor then fine, but let the past stay dead. I do not want to be miserable. I _choose_not to be miserable."

Harry stared at him for several moments, and then dropped his face into his hands. His shoulders began to shake, and Severus wasn't sure if he should turn away or offer consolation. He chose to act, and put one wet hand on Harry's knee.

"I am sorry Harry. I know you were looking for some sort of reconciliation with him, but I cannot be him just to make you feel better. Let Professor Severus Snape disappear. Go on with your life. If he sacrificed everything you say he did to keep you alive it is what he would have wanted. Go back to England and marry your Ginny and be happy."

Harry shook his head and croaked, "I don't want that."

Severus paused and then carefully removed his hand from Harry's knee. When the man looked up he felt himself pinned against the porcelain of the tub. His green eyes were so bright it almost hurt to look at them. Harry leaned forward and Severus was reminded how little space there was in the bathroom as his breath brushed Severus' face.

"I can't just go back and pretend it's all ok. That those people are fine the way they are. Don't you understand? So many people died out there and everyone just wants to go on like it never happened and everything is just like before the war. They want me to be some sort of retired conquering hero. My whole damn life is planned out for me. Marry and have children? Send them to Hogwarts and continue the cycle? I don't want any of those things."

"I cannot change the past and I will not condemn myself to being unhappy just to please you. Are you really this selfish?"

Severus' temper was beginning to surface, and he matched Harry's angry stare as well as he could naked in a bathtub. He expected that any second Harry's anger would overflow and he would receive a punch for his efforts, and if that happened he was trying to figure out how he would quickly exit the tub and defend himself, which may have been why he was so unprepared for Harry leaning in closer and connecting their mouths in a kiss that spoke of passion and rage all at once. Something in Severus snapped, some rusty inner control mechanism, and he met Harry's fury with his own.

The kiss lasted for several seconds before he pulled back from Harry and stared at him. Tears stood out in the luminous green, and he traced one wet finger beneath Harry's right eye before pushing himself out of the tub. He took Harry's hand, and naked and dripping he led the man back to his bedroom.


	11. Remains

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many. 

Chapter Ten: Remains 

"If there were no desire to heal/ The damaged and broken met along/ This tedious path I've chosen here/ I certainly would've walked away / By now" -Tool "The Patient" 

Severus walked a surprisingly obedient Harry towards the bed, and then moved onwards to the door. Here Harry balked and gave him a look of confusion. Severus almost gave in then, but he knew better. The man in front of him was hurt and confused and Severus couldn't take advantage of that. His lust was less than his desire to not injure the budding friendship between them. Severus hadn't exactly had a large number of one-night stands, but he had experienced even fewer friendships. He liked Harry and that was enough to reject the young man's advances and try to preserve the truce they had built.

When Harry continued to hold back at the door Severus put a strong hand on his lower back and pushed hard enough to force him through the door and into the hallway. Harry turned around once he'd crossed the threshold and gave Severus an intense look of questioning. Severus could pull off the smile, but it was the hardest he had ever faked.

"I am afraid this has gone a bit too far Mr. Potter. You may be confused about your feelings right now, but I am not. We are becoming friends. Not lovers. I require a few hours of rest, so please amuse yourself."

He shut the door in the young man's face, and then lay down in his own bed. He wasn't sure if Harry had looked down, but the raging erection Severus was sporting should have given away his desire for the young man. He considered taking care of the issue, and chose instead to fall into an uncomfortable sleep. 

He was in the Shrieking Shack, and there was a woman there. The two of them were playing Chinese Checkers and Severus was losing badly. She moved one of her pieces to take another one of his and then looked up at him smiling broadly. Her eyes shifted from blue to green to brown with each second, and Severus almost felt dizzy watching them.

"You're not very good at this."

He moved one of his own pieces and then realized he'd made a terrible mistake. "Well I do not play these games often."

"This isn't a game Severus Snape this is your life. You should take it more seriously. Do you know how rare it is to get a second chance like this?" She moved his piece back to where he'd started and then sat back. He watched as she pulled a cigarette out of a gilded case and lit it.

"Where do I know you from?"

She grinned again and he saw that her mouth was a bit too wide. He almost expected to see rows of teeth like a shark, but it appeared that she only had the one. She considered the board for a minute.

"You may never know me if you do things properly. Why won't you just give in and let yourself have something good?"

"I do not deserve something good." He took another move and was only slightly more successful.

"If that was true I wouldn't be here. If he can see you're not the villain anymore why can't you?" She pointed her cigarette at Severus thoughtfully and her smile was entirely gone. "Anyway, complications just arrived. You'd better wake up." 

Severus awoke to the sound of raised voices downstairs. He lifted himself out of bed and pulled on clothes. He could tell that the first voice was Harry's, but the second feminine voice was certainly not Nona. Magellan was waiting at the bedroom door, and Severus opened it and let the little dog precede him down the stairs. The woman standing in the living room was quite pretty, barely contained hair pulled back and a look of indignation on her face. She had a finger pointed at Harry's chest and she was finishing her sentence when Severus entered the living room.

"-so you just left and started staying with some stranger you think is Snape? Do you know what we've all been going through? Especially Ginny?"

Harry looked distressed and angry, and Severus moved behind him with the swift silence he had cultivated over years of moving through parental arguments that could end in violence. The woman's face went pure white, and the finger she had pointed at Harry's chest began to shake violently. She opened her mouth and then closed it. Severus watched her do this several times before he spoke.

"You may wish to sit down. It appears you are on the verge of fainting."

Harry took the woman's shoulders in his hands and moved her to the couch. She sat heavily and then smoothed her hair several times. Severus was almost amused. He got the feeling that she wasn't used to being speechless, and he felt strangely accomplished at putting her in such a state. Harry stood between the two of them, and he looked incredibly smug.

"I told you 'Mione. He's alive."

She shot a look at Harry before standing up swiftly and moving over to Severus. Her fingers shook as she took his pulse, and then moved over to the other side and felt the smooth skin where Harry had told him he should have had a scar.

"Why don't you have a scar? Where have you been? Why didn't you come back? How did you get to America? How did you survive?"

Severus raised an eyebrow at Harry, then looked back to the woman and tried to be as droll as possible in his answers. "I do not know. Here. I cannot remember any of you or your war. The last two questions get the same answer as the first one."

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You don't remember anything? Amnesia is not a common condition, and it certainly isn't listed as a side effect of Nagini's venom."

"You could test me but it appears you still would not believe me. I have no memory of you."

"You know you're not in trouble anymore right? You can come back without fear of prosecution. Didn't Harry tell you that?"

Severus looked at Harry, and then he sat down across from the woman in his armchair. He put his hands together and leaned towards her. "Let me tell you the story up to this point."

When he was done telling her everything he knew from Harry, and the things he knew for himself, she seemed to have lost some of her accusatory edge. Somewhere in the middle of his story Harry had clarified that she was Hermione so that Severus would stop calling her you. Hermione seemed shaken and Severus didn't blame her. She had sat heavily down on the couch when he'd told her about the complexity of his imagined past.

"How could you not want to remember who you are?"

"Did you like Professor Severus Snape?"

Her eyes darted nervously between him and Harry, and then she settled on looking him in the eye and shaking her head.

"Well Harry has told me a great deal about him, and I have decided I do not care for him either. I am happy here Hermione. I would prefer to stay that way."

Severus noticed that Harry was watching him strangely throughout the entire conversation. He imagined it was related to the incident upstairs, and what Severus would or would not say about it to Hermione. Severus chose to leave it out entirely.

Hermione shook her head and turned to look at Harry. "You couldn't send a message? Do you know what we've been going through back in England?"

Harry looked away with shame written across his face. "I'm sorry it's been really busy."

"Well it's not busy right now. Go write Ron a letter while I discuss this further with Professor Snape. I have to figure out where I'm staying."

Severus felt all the muscles in his body tense. "Staying?"

Harry's look was a perfect copy of his own. Hermione nodded and settled back into the couch. "Staying. Till we figure this all out." 

Severus had stalked out of the room after this pronouncement and went to his workshop to begin sanding the statue. Let Harry deal with his annoying friend all he wanted, Severus wasn't required to be friends with her. He recognized that this behavior could be viewed as childish, but he was beyond caring. Between the multiple disruptions to his quiet life, his view of reality, and his usually dreamless eight hours of sleep a night Severus was reaching his breaking point. When the phone extension rang he grabbed it up angrily.

From the other end of the line he heard Nona's familiar voice, "Hey hon! How's it going out there?"

He looked at the statue. "It is going badly."

There was a pause and Severus heard a male voice in the background. He imagined Nona waving the man away as the phone was taken from her mouth and a quiet murmuring crossed the line. "What's wrong? That boy giving you more hassle bout your sexuality?"

Severus closed his eyes and sat down. "If only. I told him I was uninterested in reclaiming the old me so he came on to me."

He heard a choking sound on the other end and a wan smile crossed his face. "He made a move? Did you go for it?"

"No Nona, I did not go for it. He is confused and upset. He is not really interested in me."

"He said that?"

"I do not need him to say that. I know the difference dearest."

She made a noise he was familiar with, the noise she reserved for when she considered him stubborn beyond all reason. "Are you interested in him that way?"

"Yes. I think I am."

"Then go for it you big idiot. Stop being so damn noble. Is that the only problem?"

"No. A friend of his from England has shown up. She seems to be intent on finding out the cause of my memory loss and then returning him to England."

"Well that is a problem. Look Severus you haven't gotten laid in years. It wouldn't be bad for you to start a relationship with him would it?"

"He was my student." Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose and considered this. "I think it would cross several ethical lines. He is much younger than me. I do not know him very well. He thinks I am someone else. There are a number of obstacles beyond those, but I think they are the most pertinent."

"Well hell, you're not his professor anymore, that other you was his professor. Stop being an ass and get to know him or whatever it is you need to do to feel right about getting some and being a little happy. You could stand to be a little happy. I'm gonna be home in a day, and when I am the girl can come stay with me and I'll distract her."

Severus shook his head. "Are things always this simple for you?"

"Yes. Now stop worrying so damn much and try to relax. Oh and Severus?"

"Yes Nona?"

"I'm gonna want details." She hung up and Severus sat still for a moment listening to the sound of the dial tone. Then he heard the house extension hang up.


	12. Out of the Blue

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many. 

Chapter Eleven: Out of the Blue 

"What's said is said."- Jareth, King of the Goblins 

Severus watched Harry closely all through dinner, but the young man avoided his gaze the entire time. Hermione led a long lecture on possible causes of memory loss beginning with post traumatic stress disorder and moving on to less conventional methods. Severus wanted to focus on her lecture, but his mind hadn't changed about not retrieving what had been lost to him. Instead he waited for Harry to give some sign other than avoiding his gaze that he was the one listening in on the conversation with Nona. After dinner Hermione transfigured Severus' old armchair into a small bed, and then took the liberty of transfiguring Harry's bed for him as well. Severus took Magellan outside without comment, and when the corgi was done with his business he led the little dog upstairs without a word to the two people bedding down in his living room. Magellan settled at the foot of his bed, and Severus stared at his own reflection for a long time after showering. The hooked and slightly crooked nose, his thin lips, the long face that finally held color after years in the sun staring out at the ocean, and his dark wet hair. It had always been ridiculously fine, and no combination of hair cleansers ever kept it from looking greasy for long. His mother's hair had always been soft as down, but his hair followed in his father's footsteps. To combat it his father had always kept his hair short. Severus preferred to look as little like his father as possible.

He considered Nona's advice very carefully. It was true that he had not been with someone in a long time, but that didn't mean he needed to jump into bed with the first willing body that came his way. Harry was attractive but he was badly damaged. Despite his previous track record Severus was not interested in a relationship built entirely on lust. He had chemistry with Harry that he couldn't quite understand. The young man was capable of sitting beside him and making him feel calm. That was a good sign, but despite all the positives between their personalities Severus could not believe that Harry was honestly attracted to him. It was a simple case of emotional damage. Harry needed an anchor while the world shifted around him, and he had decided to make it Severus. It was flattering, but it was a terrible basis for a relationship. Severus drifted off into a dreamless sleep after several minutes, Magellan snoring softly at his feet and the sound of the waves soothing him.

When he woke up Severus knew something was very wrong. The room looked off, and Severus wasn't quite sure why. He was unbearably hot, and the bed sheets around him were soaked with sweat. He sat up and the walls around him spun so crazily he fell out of bed and hit the floor with his shoulder. He tried to lift his arms and found the effort was so difficult he could barely manage it. The window showed daylight and enough of it he was sure that he had slept half the morning away. He tried to drag himself to the bathroom, and gave up after he realized he was making no progress. The room was fuzzy now, and he looked up to see Magellan looking down at him. The world went dark. 

He was standing in an impossibly large room full of shelves that reached to the ceiling. Each shelf contained a small ball, and each ball was marked with a name. He could hear Harry's voice echoing through the room, screaming his name in terror. Severus began to run through the storage facility, and while he moved as swiftly as he expected to he could not reach the sound of Harry's voice. He heard a woman's cackling laughter, and Harry's words became nothing but a soundtrack of agony as the laughter grew more jagged and frightening. Severus attempted to speed up, and when he rounded the last corner he found Harry's broken body. He bent down to lift the young man, but when he touched him Harry dissolved into dust in his hands.

He woke, screaming, to a cold cloth on his head. When he opened his eyes all he saw was darkness, and without his control his body began to panic. He thrashed upwards, and two strong hands stroked his shoulders and lowered him back down. A voice he hardly recognized spoke soothingly to him. "Ok, it's ok, I'm here. You've got a fever and you need to rest and cool down. I'm going to go refresh your cloth, so squint your eyes because it may be a little bright."

When the cloth went away Severus was momentarily blinded by the light in the room. His curtains were thin and gauzy, they had come with the house and he had never bothered to replace them with something more substantial. He narrowed his eyes once his sight returned and found himself staring at Harry Potter through the bathroom doorway. When Harry turned around there were bags under his eyes and his face was haggard. Severus watched Harry carefully as he came back to the side of the bed and put the cool cloth back over his eyes. "What happened?" Severus croaked as a line of cold liquid traveled over his temple and into his sweaty hair. He felt Harry's blunt fingers wipe it up, and a long shiver moved up his spine.

"I heard a thump and when I came up you were on the floor. Hermione helped for a bit, and then when Nona arrived she took Hermione to a pharmacy. We didn't know where to get ingredients or brewing equipment around here. So we couldn't break your fever the easy way, but I've been trying to lower it the traditional way. Do you feel up to a bath?"

Severus tried to think through the fog that had taken up residence in his brain. "Where is Nona?"

"She took Hermione to the inn yesterday after they got the medicine. She left me to nurse you."

Severus chewed on that for a moment before reaching up to weakly move the cloth aside. He squinted at Harry through one eye. "Yesterday?"

Harry looked uncomfortable for a moment before he replaced the cloth. "Yes. Yesterday. This is the first time you've been clear since I found you on the floor. Everything else has been fever related."

Severus didn't respond. He couldn't imagine what he had said to Harry, but it must have been bad if Harry was so insistent to not look directly at him. He heard Harry stand and then steps headed into his bathroom before the sound of water filling his tub reached him. If he was this foggy now what had he been saying for a day? Severus hadn't been sick since he was very little, and he barely remembered the incident other than his mother's soft hands stroking his hair back. He felt Harry return to his bedside, and when Harry helped to lift him from the bed Severus gave no protest or struggle. He could barely hold himself in an upright position, and he found that he had to lean entirely on the young man as he crossed the small space between his bed and the bathroom. Harry helped him to sit down on the toilet, and then Severus was shocked when Harry knelt before him and began to untie his pajama bottoms.

He put up as much resistance as he could, but when he tried to remove Harry's hands by force the world spun around him sickeningly, and his arms dropped limply to his side. Harry removed his pants and then lifted him again helping him into the tub of cool water. The minute his skin was submerged he began to shake, and Harry was there stroking his forehead and muttering soothingly as he lay in the cold water. The world slid away from him, and Severus found himself sitting on the porch beside Nona. She was looking out at the water contemplatively as the waves crashed into the shore. Severus felt that something terrible was looming behind him inside the house, and he wanted to turn and look for it but his head refused to cooperate with his neck. Nona seemed unconcerned as she turned to him, and he saw that her eyes had turned to a dark shade of grey.

"Severus Snape. What did you do?"

He tried to think of what he was in trouble in for, and realized he could come up with nothing. He gave a limp gesture with his hand before trying again to look behind him.

"Stop it. There's nothing back there. Look forward for once won't you?"

Severus glanced at her and then obediently looked forward towards the waves. On the beach he saw himself standing beside the now familiar figure of Harry Potter. The waves crashed in front of them, but as he watched the version of him out on the sand reached out and captured Harry's fingers in a move that seemed perfectly natural. Harry leaned towards him looking out to the water. Severus turned his gaze to Nona. "That is not what is happening here. I am sick and hallucinating."

"We have to get your fever down Severus. You're starting to scare me."

Severus peered at her for a moment before looking back out to the sand. Entwined beyond the dunes Harry was atop of him with his head thrown back in ecstasy. Severus couldn't see his own face, but he imagined the look there was beyond any pleasure he had ever felt. "It would be wonderful if this was true, but I cannot take advantage of him. No matter how badly I want to bury myself in him I have to stay away Nona."

When he rolled his head back to the side Harry was beside him in the bathroom. Harry's face flitted between a deep blush and fear. "Severus you're hallucinating. Nona isn't here. Do you want me to get her? Or take you to the hospital?"

Severus shook his head weakly. "I want to sleep Harry. I am cold."

He didn't remember Harry lifting him from the water, or his return to the bed. He just knew that he was suddenly surrounded by his own blanket, and that two strong arms held him and stroked his hair. There was no lingering remembrance of his mother's ministrations here. Only the new sensation of Harry holding him, and Severus let himself feel all of it. Even if it was only this one time he let himself sink into Harry. The world slid away from him again and this time he let it.

When Severus awoke it was in his own bed. He was no longer coated in sweat, and he heard a strong and steady thump under his ear. He opened his eyes to see the faded blue of Harry's t-shirt, and to the realization he was laying with his head on Harry's chest and his arms around the young man's waist. For several moments he did nothing, and then Harry shifted and began to snore. Severus let himself drift off to the sound of it, and when he woke again it was to the weak light of early morning. Harry was gone, but he heard the sound of food filling Magellan's bowl downstairs, and then feet came up the steps. Harry peeked around the door and when he saw Severus with his eyes open he entered the room with a tray and placed it over Severus' lap. "Nona came over with homemade soup. She thought you might be up to eating today since your fever has broken."

Severus stared at the soup for a moment, and when his voice came out it was huskier than usual and full of sleep. "Thank you."

Harry looked around the room uncomfortably and then nodded to acknowledge Severus' words. "It's the least I could do. You were really sick."

"I am sorry for anything I might have said. I was not in my right mind." Severus watched Harry rub his scar for a moment before the luminous green eyes met his.

"We'll discuss that later. For now just eat your soup and try to get your strength back."

Severus couldn't remember a time when lifting a spoon to his mouth was so trying. To add to his embarrassment Harry had to help him reach the bathroom shortly afterwards, and Severus attempted to avoid Harry's concerned gaze as he stumbled back to bed. When he woke again Nona was sitting beside him toying with an unlit cigarette while she flipped through pages in a book. Her eyes lifted to meet his, and he saw that she looked just as sleepless as Harry had. "I was worried for you hon. You been in and out a lot. How do you feel?"

Severus ran his own personal diagnostic for a moment and then met her eyes carefully. "My mouth tastes like seven layers of hell, I am finally the right temperature but all of my muscles are weak and loose, and I need help to the bathroom."

She nodded and then put the book and cigarette down and helped him up. She wasn't as strong as Harry but she provided a good deal of support to and from the little room he needed. When she helped him back into the bed she pulled fresh pajamas from the dresser and assisted him in undressing and redressing. The embarrassment he felt with Harry was not there with Nona, and he knew it was because he had helped her once or twice with this herself when she was too drunk to do it. She ran her fingers through his hair a few times to make it more presentable, and then propped him up on fluffed pillows. "Harry says you talked to me some while you were in the worst of it."

Severus couldn't remember any of that so he simply nodded. Nona watched him carefully for a moment and then leaned back in her chair and began to nervously play with the cigarette again. "He mentioned you said something 'bout your attraction for him. That and your aversion to touching him."

Severus closed his eyes. Of course he had told Harry about that. Of course he had. Since Harry had walked into his life Severus had been parted rather forcibly from his dignity and his privacy, so what was one more parting. Nona read his body language and quietly left the room. Severus faintly heard her talking with Harry at the base of the stairs. For a moment their voices raised enough he could almost make out the words, but then the volume dropped so drastically they had either walked away or begun whispering. He leaned back into the pillows and let his consciousness slip away.

When Severus woke again he was starving. He carefully got out of bed and made his way down the stairs feeling stronger than he had before but still unsteady on his own feet. He entered the kitchen to find Hermione reading a large tome. She looked up at him with alarm, and then gestured to a chair while she rushed to Severus' fridge. He sat carefully and watched her pull out a container of soup and use her wand to heat it up. She placed it in front of him with a spoon and then went to the toaster and dropped in bread. She didn't speak until she had buttered the toast and placed it next to his soup. "Are you feeling any better?"

He nodded briskly as he devoured the soup in front of him. There had been times when he had gotten so caught up in his work that he had forgotten to eat, but even then he didn't think he'd ever been this hungry before. After finishing the soup he destroyed the toast, and then looked up to see Hermione smiling at him. "Harry thinks he's falling in love with you."

Severus choked on his toast, and Hermione clapped him on the back gently until he had gotten the piece of bread out of his windpipe. He stared at her in horror. "Why would he think that?"

She settled into her chair and took on the look of lecturing professor ticking points off on her fingers as she listed them. "He admires your talent as an artist, he likes your personality, he is physically attracted to you, he was terrified when you were sick, he likes your friend, and he has been dreaming about you."

Severus thought back to the dream of Harry sitting in front of the fireplace and shivered. "What about the young woman he was in love with in England?"

Hermione frowned ad looked towards the living room door before he eyes settled back on Severus. "Ginny is a sweet girl, and I know Ron thinks it's great that she and Harry got together because Harry's already basically a brother to him, but I don't think it has a chance to last. Harry saw her as a little sister until hormones got involved, and I think he's confused lust with affection. She's always had that crush, but when he left to find you I think it was his brain reasserting itself."

Severus peered at her carefully. "This does not upset you? That he is going to hurt your friend and potentially cause a great divide between himself and your own partner by choosing a man they all hate?"

Hermione ran her fingers idly over the book she had been reading and considered the question for a moment before she met Severus' eyes again. "Ron will be upset there's no doubt about that, but Ginny is already considering moving on. Ultimately what's most important is Harry's happiness. Do you think you could make Harry happy?"

It was a fair question, but Severus didn't know how to answer it. No one had ever been in love with him before. He considered his life, and the possibility of adding Harry into it. "I do not know."

Hermione shrugged. "Well that's fair enough. Eventually though he's going to inform you that he's not just a confused and grief-stricken guy, and you're going to have to deal with his feelings instead of ignoring them."

Severus rubbed his eyes tiredly. He thought about the warmth and comfort he had felt when Harry lay in the bed holding him. "Yes. Eventually that will be true."


	13. And Into the Black

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Twelve: And Into the Black

"Somebody told me that this is the place/ Where everything's better, everything's safe/ Walk on the ocean/ Step on the stones/ Flesh becomes water/ Wood becomes bone"- Toad the Wet Sprocket "Walk on the Ocean"

Harry and Nona were in the kitchen arguing about breakfast foods. British and Southern culture clashes aside the two seemed to be getting along fine and Severus was content to stay wrapped in blankets on the porch next to Hermione. She shook her head and pointed to the sun rising over the waves. "So you get to see this every day?"

Severus didn't shift his focus when he answered. "Yes. Every morning."

"Well I can see the attraction."

From inside there was an indignant male shout of "What the hell is a grit?" Severus began to openly laugh, and after a moment of shock Hermione joined him. The two left their chairs and entered the kitchen where Nona was pointing an accusing spoon at Harry.

"Boy you best get away from that Crockpot before I smack your hand. That happens to be the finest of breakfast foods."

Severus watched Harry's face as he looked disbelievingly at the cooker full of grits. When Harry turned to see that Severus and Hermione had rejoined the two of them he pointed towards Nona and plaintively asked, "What is a grit?"

Severus cleared his throat, "Grits are a Southern breakfast food that serve the same nutritional purpose as oatmeal. If you find them unpleasant I suggest adding maple syrup." Nona made a noise of distress and turned her back on all three of them to go outside and smoke.

Harry threw his hands up in disgust and went back to a pan full of bacon.

After breakfast Nona suggested taking Hermione to Charleston for the day so that she could see a large Southern city. Hermione allowed herself to be led out the door without a fuss, and Severus found that he was standing alone with Harry in the living room. Now they would have to speak to one another. In response to this fact Severus did the most responsible thing he could think of and left the room. For several glorious moments he thought the trick had worked, till his bedroom door opened and Harry stood in it staring at him.

"Severus we have to talk."

Severus covered his eyes and tried to think of any reason why they couldn't. Harry's very rational friend thought this was a good idea, and Severus' very irrational friend thought so too. He couldn't feign that the lingering weakness his illness had left in him kept him from having a conversation, and he couldn't avoid Harry in this house for long. There just wasn't enough space. So Severus sat very carefully on the edge of his bed and faced Harry with as much dignity as he could muster. "I am Severus now?"

Harry gave him an exasperated look and sat on the floor with his back against the door frame. "We have to talk about what you said while you were sick."

"I have told you to disregard all of that. I was very ill and not in my right mind."

"You were very ill and finally telling the truth. You're attracted to me, and you think I don't know what I want."

"I know you do not know what you are asking of me."

Harry let out an angry sigh and rubbed his scar again, and Severus had time to watch those fingers work the skin on his forehead before Harry's eyes came up to meet his again and momentarily freeze him in place. "I have had time to come to terms with death, and while I'm still grieving those I lost I'm not mad with grief. There's something going on here. Something between us and I want to see what can come of it. You want that too."

Severus looked away. "I cannot be your test subject for sexual experimentation Harry. I am not that sort of man."

He heard Harry stand up and cross the room, and then those strong blunt fingers grasped his chin and turned his face forward. He stared into Harry's eyes for a moment, and when Harry descended on his lips he held perfectly still for as long as he could, until Harry's tongue traced his mouth looking for entrance. Then he leaned his head to the side and let Harry in, grabbing the younger man's shirt and pulling him forward until Harry fell on top of him and they were wrapped around each other. He tangled his fingers in Harry's hair and held on while his other hand traveled down Harry's torso to feel the length of his side. Harry made a noise in the back of his throat when Severus's fingers stroked his hipbone, and Severus was shocked when Harry shifted and he felt the erection straining against the man's jeans. He arched upwards, and Harry's hand slid the same long path Severus' had a moment before and then brushed against Severus' groin feeling his own erection before Harry pulled back. "It doesn't have to be an experiment." His eyes were so bright it almost hurt Severus to look directly in them. "It could be more than that. Just let me in. Let me in and I'll show you that people can be loyal."

Severus closed his eyes for a moment and tried to gather up the shredded pieces of his self-control. If he turned Harry away right now he could save this. One harsh word or dismissive gesture and he could probably run Harry away forever. He would have his quiet life back, and all the time in the world to watch the sunrise or sculpt or any other solitary action he cared to follow. All he had to do was reject this man before things went any farther. Severus reached up and began to unbutton his shirt.

He was shocked that Harry's tongue followed his fingers as he opened each button, and the flush that traveled up to his face made him feel feverish and weak again when Harry's tongue circled his nipple before moving downwards. The warm sensation outlined his left hipbone and he gasped and arched again. Harry burned him with a gaze before attacking the drawstring on his pants, and Severus let him remove them this time without a struggle. Harry stared at his nudity for a moment before carefully tracing the line of his cock with his fingertips. It had been years since anyone touched him like this, and Severus bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to regain some semblance of control. When Harry's mouth followed the path of his fingertips Severus released his cheek and moaned low in his throat, startling Harry and himself with his urgency. Harry continued to taste him for a few moments before Severus pulled him up and shook his head.

"If we…it has been a long time. I will not last long." Harry peered at him for a moment and then stood, removing his glasses and discarding them on the table beside the bed before shedding his own clothing.

"That's fine. I won't either." He went back to the task at hand, taking Severus fully in his mouth and making a small noise that traveled from Severus' groin up to his chest. He reached out and grabbed the sheets in a death grip as Harry bobbed up and down carefully, and when Harry rose back to the top and circled his tongue Severus had time to give him a quick cry of warning before his body was jumping up again and he was coming in a blazing rush. The lights that exploded behind his eyes were brighter than the sun, and when he opened his eyes to see Harry trying to choke down his first taste of semen the man seemed dim in comparison.

Severus pulled himself limply up and kissed Harry again, sharing the taste of himself before pulling Harry's hips back to follow him and leading Harry into his own mouth. He was surprised to find Harry as hard as he had been at the beginning, and he swallowed the thick length in one practiced move before repaying Harry's kindness with his own. Harry gasped and then began to move inside Severus' mouth, babbling incoherent statements as Severus led him to orgasm. When Harry arched and laughed low in his throat Severus dug his fingers into Harry's hipbones and rode him through the spasms.

Afterwards they lay naked beside each other, hands stroking naked flesh and legs tangled together. Harry's eyes were closed and Severus marveled at the difference between this and his previous experiences. This was cuddling, and Severus had never done it before but he was glad to try it now. He stroked his fingers up Harry's chest and then lay fully back and considered sleeping. Harry's voice shook him from the daze. "Is it always like that?"

"No," Severus responded huskily, "it is never like that."

Harry grinned and opened his eyes to consider the ceiling. "Well good. I wouldn't want to be like everyone else."

Severus couldn't help himself as a smile spread across his face and he closed his own eyes. "Yes that would be unforgivable." He slid into a contented sleep.

When Severus woke from his nap he quietly left the bed and redressed. He went downstairs and stared out at the ocean for several minutes before moving through the back door and making the trek to his shed. He looked at the piece dominating the middle of the room, and then carefully levitated it to the side and brought a new block of marble into the center. His fingers stroked the stone, and he saw in his mind's eye Harry's features, long and muscular legs, a tapered waist leading to a firm abdomen and a slightly defined chest. He was reaching for the tools of his trade as he considered Harry's strong jaw, and soft lips. He began to work, and the marble seemed to sing to him as he knocked large chunks of it off in the beginning of what he was sure would be a very personal piece.

When he looked up Harry was there and the light outside had disappeared. Severus stopped swinging the hammer and his shoulders let him know that he had been working too long without a rest. He winced and Harry stepped forward silently and led him to the chair to sit down. Strong blunt hands began to rub the kinks in his shoulders as Severus groaned in appreciation. When the door slammed open Harry only paused momentarily before he continued his work. Nona considered the two of them with bright and glazed eyes before pointing a finger at Severus. "You got laid." She proceeded to sit down in the doorway and howl with laughter, and Severus could feel Harry's own quiet laughter through the slight trembling in his fingers.

Hermione stumbled into the back of Nona and peered into the workshop herself before joining Nona on the ground. "Harry, Harry, this woman has made me drunk. Very drunk."

Severus tilted his head, "She made you drunk?"

Hermione pouted, "She called it moonshine."

Severus stood carefully and looked at Harry. The green eyes he had come to enjoy so much were lit with laughter, and Harry was looking at him with that amusement plain on his face when he said, "Well do we join them or send them home?"

The next morning Severus could remember only the beginning of his and Harry's involvement in the festivities. His last clear memory was Nona telling Magellan that he had two daddies, and then the night became a blur of laughter and talk. When he woke up he had no feeling in his legs and a terrible taste in his mouth. He was on the couch in his own living room, and Harry was sprawled across his lap snoring loudly. On the other side of the room Hermione was sleeping in the armchair, and Severus could smell coffee brewing in the kitchen. Nona poked her head into the living room and gestured for Severus to join her. He carefully extracted himself from Harry and then staggered across the room trying to rub feeling back into his tingling legs. Nona silently led him out onto the porch and lit her cigarette looking out at the grey sea. Severus sat carefully and began to rub the pins and needles as he watched her formulate her words. When she turned to him he was surprised at how serious she looked.

"Severus I really like these kids."

Severus raised an eyebrow and then stretched his left leg slowly. "Yes. I am quite fond of both of them."

Nona frowned and then leaned against the porch railing. "So what's goin' on with that memory stuff? Are you done or have you reconsidered?"

Severus stretched his right leg next and used his long fingers to rub at the pins and needles he felt there. "I am certain that I do not wish to be the man Harry and Hermione remember." He looked up to see that Nona was relieved. When she caught him looking she blushed and turned to the sea, throwing her cigarette in the fire pit and lighting a second one.

"Well that's ok then. To be honest I didn't really want you to remember anyway. You mighta left."

Severus laughed softly to cover how absurdly touched he was at her concern, and then stood again to get water and aspirin. "I am never leaving this place Nona. This is my home no matter who I am."

Inside he found Hermione sitting at the kitchen table rubbing her temples and grimacing. He poured them both a cup of water and then handed her aspirin and took his own. She looked at him gratefully while taking her dose, and then quietly asked, "How does she do that?"

Severus sat across from her. "Years of practice."

Hermione grimaced and drank more of her water. "Is there anywhere around here that I could send a message back home? They don't have phones and I know you're not on the Floo network over here."

"There is a small Wizard community in Charleston that has access to the Floo network and is capable of getting messages across the water. I would have told you yesterday but the two of you left rather abruptly."

Hermione watched as Harry entered the kitchen slowly and sat beside Severus to slowly drink his water. He glared blearily at the doorway, and then put his face flat against the table without a word. Without thinking about it Severus pushed a lock of hair out of Harry's eye, and then put his hand flat against his thigh when Hermione cocked an eyebrow. Hermione grinned, and then when Nona cheerily reentered the kitchen her smile turned to a grimace again, and Severus repressed the urge to laugh.

A/N: Sorry this has been taking so long. In the past few months I have put five thousand miles on my car, gotten married, and accepted an offer for Kent State's Graduate program. We're coming towards the end of this one, and I'm hoping with all the big events over I'll be able to have updates flowing smoothly again.


	14. Escape

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Thirteen: Escape

"I left you heartbroken, but not until those very words were spoken/ Has anybody ever made such a fool out of you/ It's hard to believe it/ Even as my eyes do see it/ The very things that make you live are killing you" –Ray LaMontagne "Shelter"

Hermione left with Severus' directions to Charleston, and Nona went home to work on her loom. Severus was left alone with Harry, and for a moment they simply looked at each other. Severus wasn't sure who was supposed to break the silence or what they were supposed to say, so instead he carefully watched Harry's expression for any signs of displeasure or shame. They stood that way for several minutes until Harry cleared his throat and looked towards the stairway. "So what are you working on now?"

Severus could have laughed. If he had hoped there wouldn't be any awkwardness after the actions of the day before he had been sorely mistaken. Now in the light of day the two of them were reduced to banality and avoidance. He let his own eyes wander to the stairwell for only a moment before focusing on Harry again. "If you have changed your mind Harry simply say so now. It will save us a great deal of unpleasantness."

Harry turned his focus on Severus, and the look of surprise was so genuine it was impossible for Severus to believe that he was faking it. Harry strode several steps forward and grabbed Severus' hand tightly as a look of displeasure cramped his handsome features. "I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth. Just because I don't know how this works doesn't mean I don't want it."

It was Severus' turn to be surprised at the intensity in Harry's voice, and the fire burning in his eyes. For a moment Severus wanted to turn away, but he found that he couldn't. Instead he stared back into Harry's gaze and raised an eyebrow. "How what works Harry?"

Harry shifted and released Severus' hand so that he could grab his hips and pull him close. Severus was given an understanding of Harry's mood as he felt the young man's arousal pressing against him. When Harry spoke again his voice was low and thick. "I want to know if I can interrupt what you're working on so we can go upstairs and shag. I don't know how to proposition you for that, but I'm pretty sure you get the picture now."

Severus wanted to respond with something witty and biting, or at least witty, but his own arousal was too distracting. He decided it was better to wrap his arms around Harry's shoulders and pull him forward into a bruising a kiss. He pushed Harry towards the stairs, and when they reached them Harry tripped backwards up the top one before breaking away from Severus enough to regain his balance and climb to the bedroom. Severus followed unbuttoning his shirt and when he reached his bedroom door he threw the shirt to the side and reached for Harry again. Getting undressed was a quick and brutal experience, and Harry helped Severus to the bed and then followed him down.

Severus moaned as Harry found a sensitive patch of skin on his neck, and then pushed Harry away a bit to fumble through the drawer of his bedside table. When he found the bottle of lubricant he handed it to Harry hoping he wouldn't have to explain how the process worked and what he expected Harry to do. Harry popped the top on the bottle, and then frowned as nothing came out. Severus took the bottle from him and realized it was empty. He covered his eyes and tried to think clearly, but all that came to mind were expletives and frustration. Harry stood and disappeared, and Severus gritted his teeth while he heard the young man downstairs crashing through what he assumed was the kitchen.

When Harry returned he had a bottle of extra virgin olive oil and a look of extreme determination on his face. Severus concentrated on lifting his eyebrow to avoid laughing, and watched as Harry fumbled the bottle open and then poured a generous amount on the floor while coating his fingers. The bottle slipped out of his hand and Severus was impressed when he caught it before it hit the floor and carefully placed it on the bedside table. Then Harry moved forward and began to suck on that sensitive patch of skin again while his fingers fumbled for Severus' entrance. There was a sharp pain Severus worked not to acknowledge as Harry found his target and clumsily began the process, and then Harry's mouth began to work down and Severus forgot the pain as the pleasure began to outweigh it. After a few minutes he tugged on Harry's thick hair, and when the young man lifted his eyes and made a questioning noise out of his swollen lips Severus had to swallow before he could speak. "I am fully prepared."

Harry's face was flushed and his hands trembled as Severus rolled over onto his knees. He heard more of the olive oil spill onto the floor, and then Severus felt those hand grasp his hips and the familiar pressure of entering. He pushed back towards Harry and smiled when he heard the young man's gasp of surprise. Harry let out a low moan, and then gripped Severus' hips tightly as he slid slowly backwards. It didn't take long for Harry to find his rhythm, and when he accidently brushed Severus' prostate Severus rewarded him by crying out his name and arching into him. Harry's pace sped up, and Severus closed his eyes and gripped the sheets as the imperative to reach climax took over. He heard Harry talking lowly, and could only make out every third or fourth word as an expletive or Severus' name. When Harry's slippery hand gripped Severus' member and pumped twice Severus came and Harry followed him quickly over the edge.

Harry slipped out of him and fell to the bed eyes closed and face red. Severus moved towards the bathroom and closed the door to have privacy for the aftermath. When he was done cleaning up he pushed Harry's shoulder and pointed towards the bathroom. "You are covering the sheets in oil Harry."

He watched the young man stumble into the bathroom, and laid down to listen to the water run. He didn't remember falling asleep.

He was sitting in a dark room with stone walls and no windows. The chair he sat in was comfortable, but the cold in the room was strange and unpleasant. Across from him in a similar armchair sat a man who looked a good deal like him. Severus studied the familiar features carefully, noting that the man's skin was more sallow than his own, the lines in the face more pronounced, and the bags under the eyes much darker. He leaned back in his chair and the man across from him did the same. Severus decided to call him the Professor.

"What are you doing?" The Professor asked.

"Sitting comfortably. What are you doing?"

The Professor narrowed his eyes and locked his fingers together. "I meant what are you doing with Potter? What are you doing in that ridiculous house with that alcoholic neighbor and those childish statues?"

Severus felt his jaw clench, and he worked hard to imitate the Professor's calm façade. "I am attempting to be happy. Would you prefer I be you?"

The Professor leaned forward and smiled tightly as he gestured towards Severus. "Happy you say? We do not deserve to be happy. We killed Lily Evans, Dumbledore, and countless others in the service of the Greater Good. We deserve to die in a stinking hole at the hands of a madman's pet. Do you really believe you can continue to live this lie?"

Severus looked away from the Professor's intense gaze and studied the bare walls around him. "I believe this is my life, and there is nothing that you can do about it. Harry loves me. Nona loves me. I am happy."

The Professor's laugh was bitter and empty. "You are ignorant and brainwashed. Once you remember you will see that this can never be. As we speak your illusion is preparing to leave you."

Severus couldn't find a door, and so he let his eyes move back to the Professor. He was surprised to see pity in the man's dark eyes. "You cannot change anything."

The Professor leaned back again in his chair. "You are correct in that, but in the end I do not have to do anything. The world will right itself."

Severus awoke to an empty bed, and when he ran his hands over the sheets he felt only a tiny lingering of Harry's warmth. He stood and headed for the door before he realized he was still naked. He dressed quickly and made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Harry was standing there with his bag packed writing a note, and he looked up quickly to catch Severus' eye. Harry's face flushed, and he looked at the note quickly before looking back up at Severus.

"I didn't want to wake you. Hermione came back and there's an emergency back home. I have to head over there for a few days, and then I'll be back."

Severus felt cold wash over him, and he swallowed down his apprehension before he looked away from Harry's guilty smile. "How long will you be gone?"

"Three days at most. We just have to clear up this one problem and then I can come right back. I promise."

Severus gripped the edge of the table tightly, and despite his best intentions he spoke his mind. "Send her alone. Please. Stay."

Harry looked away from him, and Severus saw that no matter how he begged the young man planned on leaving. His grip on the table loosened, and his hands swung limply to his sides. Harry stepped forward and smiled sadly. "I would stay if I could, but this has to be taken care of Severus. I'll be back. I promise. "He leaned in to kiss Severus, but before he reached his destination Severus stepped away from him.

Severus was amazed to see that the ocean outside his window was the same, and that the view hadn't been replaced with gray stone walls. "Then go."

Harry gripped his arm tightly, and Severus looked at the hand before following it up to those green eyes. Harry looked angry and confused. "Why can't you just understand that this is important to me?"

When he replied his voice was flat and devoid of all emotion. "I understand perfectly. You must focus on what is important."

Harry growled and released Severus' arm. "You are so inflexible. I'll be back in three days Severus. No more and no less. When I return I'll show you what's important to me."

Harry turned and stalked out of the kitchen, and Severus listened to the front door slam. Without considering his steps he found himself crossing the sand to Nona's home, and found her sitting on the porch considering the angry waves. She took one look at his face and moved over to make room on her porch swing. Severus took the spot, and the two of them sat silently for several hours. When the sun had gone down and they sat in silence and darkness he told her what had happened. She responded by gently patting his shoulder. He didn't sleep that night.

On the first day of Harry's absence Severus kept himself busy puttering around the house. Nona stopped in and silently made lunch. She watched Severus pick at it before he left her wordlessly to return to his cleaning. The second day found him working on the Harry statue until Nona led him outside and they began drinking on his porch. They had yet to say more than four or five words to each other, and when he finally drank himself into a stupor he slept dreamlessly. The third day found him sitting in his living room, holding a book and listening for the sound of steps on the front porch. Nona arrived halfway through the day and sat beside him. When the sun set and the sound hadn't come yet he felt slim arms circle his shoulders. Severus was proud to say he didn't cry, but Nona handled that for him. The fourth day passed in a haze, and on the fifth day Severus went into his workshop and destroyed the Harry statue. He didn't remember beginning of the destruction, but when he came back to himself his hands were bloody and he was surrounded by chunks of marble. That night he dreamed he was lost in a hedge maze, and that beyond its walls he could see a looming shack that looked abandoned and haunted. He raced towards it as quickly as he could, but never quite reached it.

Three weeks passed. Christmas was a cold affair that was spent with Nona and Magellan and two bottles of scotch. She had purchased the best liquor she could find, and they drank it as if it was rotgut. Halfway through the second bottle Nona considered her glass before speaking for the first time in days. "Maybe he's dead darling."

Severus finished his glass and put it down. "He has realized that he is happier there. I am fine with that."

He studied Nona's face carefully and was pleased to see no trace of pity. "He'll come back. I can feel it. What're you gonna do if he does?"

He looked at the empty glass, at Magellan sleeping by the door, and then back to Nona. "I imagine I will do what I should have done the first time he came here. I will send him as far from me as possible."

Nona refilled their glasses and rubbed her eyes before drinking. "Maybe he's dead."


	15. Closing Doors

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Fourteen: Closing Doors

"Hell isn't merely paved with good intentions, it is walled and roofed with them." –Aldous Huxley

Severus sent Nona away for New Year's in the hope that she would spend some time with the man she had shown so much interest in until now. He spent the time alone moving through his house like a ghost. His bedroom became a place constantly avoided, and he could no longer even consider his studio without developing a raging headache. He read books without retaining any of the information and walked Magellan for hours on the beach without remembering a thing he saw. The days passed without him, and he often found himself dozing on his couch or the chair on his porch without any recollection of going to them. When Nona returned she forced him to eat three times a day, but never once asked him to talk about what was going on. His dreams became more aggressive but the images were often unfamiliar.

One day he found himself in Nona's kitchen, staring at the picture on the wall of her parents as she kneaded biscuit dough on the counter. The couple stood in a large kitchen, covered in flour and holding a dollar between them with proud smiles. Nona had received the majority of her looks from her mother, and he wondered how old she was when the picture was taken. She noticed him looking and glanced at the photograph herself before returning to the dough. "Did I ever ask you about your parents?"

She didn't look up from her work. "When we first met."

"What did you tell me?"

She wiped her forehead and began to break pieces of the dough off to place on a baking pan. "That they both died when I was pretty young."

Severus watched her hands work with the same methodical precision she applied to her loom. "Tell me more."

She looked up for a brief moment with surprise, and then laid out the last of the biscuits before sticking them in the oven. She washed her hands and then stepped into the doorway to light a cigarette. She gestured towards the photo. "They were bakers in the upstate. Had a little bakery in Greenville and employed enough people to be able to take two days off a week. I worked there just about every summer, and whenever I had breaks from school. Loved each other very much."

Severus watched her hand jitter a bit as she lifted the cigarette to her mouth. "What happened to them?"

Nona frowned and considered her cigarette before meeting Severus' eyes. "They used to go in to the bakery at about four in the morning. Daddy insisted they had to get a fresh start, and then they'd leave halfway through the day. It was shortly after I went to college, and they'd probably done that route a thousand times or more. What they didn't count on was that some trucker decided it was more important to get to his destination than to stop and rest. Guy drifted into their lane and they died instantly." She looked back to the picture. "That's the story anyway."

Severus didn't know why he was pushing this, but since he'd started he found he couldn't stop. "What are you leaving out?"

Nona wiped her eyes and put out her cigarette. She crossed the room and sat beside Severus at the table. She didn't touch him, but she placed her hand near his and made eye contact. "Daddy and momma were the best couple I ever saw. They only ever fought once in front of me. Middle of the summer and the air conditioning went out. It was so damn hot in that kitchen we had to step into the walk-in freezer in between batches, and one of the bakers ended up passing out. Ovens are unique and each one has a personality all its own. Did you know that?" Severus shook his head. Nona smiled sadly. "We had three ovens, and daddy had named each one. The middle one was named after my granddad who had a real bad temper. It ran hot all the time. Momma was overheated and exhausted and she just forgot. Left a batch of cookies in too long and they burned. The two of them got into it, and all the rest of us watched as they shouted at each other. Momma was waving her hands around, angry as hell, and she brushed the oven just so. Burned her hand real bad. Daddy stopped yelling, stopped being mad, and rushed her into the freezer. Cooled the spot down and got the burn cream and cooed over her hand like she'd broke it. That was daddy, always looking after her no matter what was going on."

Nona looked away for a moment and when she looked back Severus saw a determination in her gaze he'd never seen before. "I told you what I majored in in college right?"

Severus rifled through his memory and found the reference quickly. "Drinking."

"Yeah well, the doctors told us they died instantly. It was real romantic for people, and everybody kept telling me how wonderful it was they went together all painless like that. So I'm in town one night and I find myself in a bar with one of the paramedics that were on the scene. He's wasted, and he tells me when he got there daddy wasn't dead. He was alive, and he was trying to hold momma together as he was dying. She was gone, but he was trying to comfort her. I dropped out of college two days later and took some of the money from the insurance settlement to buy the house you live in now. I haven't told a soul this before, but I think you need to know 'cause it has some bearing on what's been going on with you. When you first showed up here I was eager to sell you that place. You had the same look I saw in the mirror those first few years, and I knew you needed to be in that place. Knew you needed to heal. When you came back I could still see that look in the back of your eyes, but it was dimmed down. I think it didn't really go away fully till Harry came, and now it's back again."

Severus swallowed painfully and looked away as she stood to remove the biscuits from the oven. She carefully placed each one on a cooling rack and then put the pan in the sink. "He will not return Nona. I have to find a way to survive without him."

She didn't turn around as she rustled in the fridge for bacon and then laid it into the pan. "I think he'll be back. He had that look too."

When the pounding on the door began Nona was sleeping in the armchair across from him and managed to rouse herself enough to stagger across the room and look through the window to see who it was. Severus saw her come fully awake and completely tense in only a moment, and she opened the door carefully.

Harry pushed past Nona into the room, and Severus saw that the young man looked as gaunt as Severus himself did these days. All the color was gone from Harry's face, and his green eyes were dim and heavily shadowed. He made it to the edge of the couch and sat down before taking Severus' face in his hands. Severus could feel Harry's hands shaking as the young man felt every inch of skin available to him before pushing his fingertips into Severus' throat and taking his pulse. It was this action that sent Severus upright, and had him grabbing Harry's hand angrily and glaring at the young man. They sat silently staring at each other until Nona cleared her throat.

She moved to Harry's side and knelt down, gently disengaging Severus' death grip and then turning Harry to face her. The look she sent Severus was one of disapproval, and his rage found itself mitigated as he really considered Harry's appearance. Nona returned her gaze to Harry. "What happened hon? Where have you been?"

Harry began to cry. He shook his head and then covered his face with his hands as his shoulders silently shook. Nona sent Severus a panicked look as she sat back on her heels. He wanted to be angry at Harry, wanted to rage and scream or simply walk away from the young man. Harry had left him, and then hadn't come back. He had practically begged the man to stay. Finally he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Harry to feel how cold the man's skin was even through the layers of his clothing. Severus held him till his breathing slowed and the sobs subsided. Nona stood carefully and looked towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna go make some hot chocolate. It'll give ya enough time to tell each other the parts I can't hear, and then come in to explain where you been all this time."

She disappeared through the back of the living room, and Severus pushed Harry back enough so he could look into his face. He wasn't quite sure how to proceed, but Harry seemed to have enough control to speak.

"When I first came here I tracked you through your hair. They hadn't cleaned out your dungeons yet, and there was enough genetic material to use for a spell. Hermione got this message and it said we had to come back home, that they had found a body and we needed to see it. I thought…I thought it was Sirius."Harry's hands were shaking still, but he used them to touch Severus' hair, and despite his remaining anger Severus was touched to see that Harry's look was one of wonder and reverence. "We went back to bury Sirius. Hermione agreed it was the only thing that made sense. When we got there McGonagall showed us that they'd found you." Here Harry's voice cracked and he had to take a breath.

Severus wasn't sure how to react to that. He looked towards the kitchen door and then back to Harry, uncertain if he wanted to hear the rest of this story or not. Harry continued anyway. "They had done spells, and they'd confirmed it was you. Your throat was ripped out, and they said the Death Eaters must have come back after we left you there and taken your body." Harry's fingers stroked Severus' throat. "Hermione and I tried to tell them this was impossible, that we'd been spending time with you here and that you were alive. They wouldn't listen, and then they said I was hysterical. They sent me to St. Mungo's. It took this long to break out and come back to you."

Now it was Severus' turn to stroke Harry's hair. They had found his body. They'd confirmed it was him. What had he done? Before he'd really considered it he heard himself speaking to Harry in a low and comforting tone. "I am sorry Harry."

Harry looked up at him surprised and then began to rub his scar. "So what was it? How did they have your body if you're here and alive?"

Severus shook his head. "I do not know. I wish I could tell you, but I cannot."

Nona poked her head inside the door and gestured for them, and Harry followed Severus into the kitchen holding his hand. When they sat down at the table Nona set two mugs down in front of them. She looked carefully at Harry for a moment before turning her eyes to Severus. Harry drank some of his hot chocolate and then he shook his head. "It doesn't make any sense. They couldn't have made a mistake."  
>Severus continued to consider Nona. She was looking at him calmly, and after a few moments something prompted him to speak. "Nona did I give you anything when I moved in?"<p>

She raised an eyebrow and sipped her hot chocolate. "Well, you left a box in my attic. Said you needed a little extra storage room."

Severus closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "You felt it unnecessary to mention this before?"

She frowned at him and went to the doorway to smoke. "Well hon to be honest I kinda forgot about it. I don't go up there much, and it seemed sorta unimportant."

Severus felt Harry droop against him, and he put an arm around Harry's shoulders to stabilize him. Nona extinguished her cigarette and pointed to Harry before pointing upstairs. The two of them took Harry upstairs and laid him down in the first bedroom on the second floor. Nona led the way up to the third floor, and opened the ladder to the attic. Severus stood at the base of the stairs and waited till she returned with a small box with his name on it. It was covered in dust, and she wiped it clumsily before handing it to him. "You sure you wanna do this tonight?"

Severus nodded and they moved silently back into the kitchen. He stared at the box for several minutes before he opened it. Nona sat across from him fidgeting with her fingers before she moved back into the doorway to smoke again. Severus opened the box carefully, and found only an envelope inside with his name on it. He pulled it out and looked at Nona questioningly.

"I never opened it. I just stored it and forgot about it."

He slid his finger under the envelope's flap and opened it slowly. The letter inside was brutally short and written in his own handwriting. Folded into it he found a small piece of red hair. He turned the hair over and over before placing it carefully down on the table. Nona was watching him carefully, but she never asked the letter's contents. He had addressed it to himself.

__

_Severus,_

_It has become obvious that this war will end soon. I have been given a chance to decide how I would like my life to end, and this is the way I have chosen. Your memories cannot be retrieved although you may be suffering from fragmented flashbacks. There was not enough time to create the body and perfect the potion. The version of you writing this had to choose between oblivion and suicide, and he chose oblivion. I have given you everything I can to make a new life, and I can only hope that you have done so. She said you had to willingly give the past up for this to work. Forget the past Severus. All that awaits you there is death._

Severus folded the letter back into the envelope and tucked the hair in as well. He looked up to see Nona watching him. She raised an eyebrow and he wondered how he could tell her anything without giving away everything. He put the envelope back in the box and closed it. Who was the woman his letter referenced? Had this mysterious she helped him to create a replica of himself and wipe his own memory, or had he figured out the process all on his own? There were so many questions, but Severus was fairly sure he didn't want the answers. He had to decide how to explain what had happened to Harry. He must have created the replica to fool the people from his past so that they wouldn't look for him or push him to remember. What he hadn't planned on was the Death Eaters taking the body and starting Harry's search. Such a little detail had brought Harry into his life. Severus looked up to see that Nona had moved to the table across from him. She put her hand gently over his.

"The letter explains what Harry found in England, and tells me that I can never fully retrieve my memories. I did this to myself."

Nona nodded thoughtfully and released his hand. She took the mugs to the sink and began to wash them. "Will you take him home tomorrow?"

"If he wishes to go with me."

There was low feminine laughter from the sink, and Severus looked up to see Nona staring at him over her shoulder. "I told ya he'd come back didn't I?"


	16. What Was Once Broken

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Fifteen: What Was Once Broken

"I wanted freedom/ Bound and restricted/ I tried to give you up/ But I'm addicted"-Muse "Time is Running Out"

The sun was rising outside the window of the bedroom, but Severus was inside with his eyes locked on Harry. He thought he understood some of it now, and he realized it was time to make a decision. He had erased his own memories because he knew he couldn't live with his past. He couldn't quite figure out how he had done it, but he imagined that was part of the plan. His past self had destroyed all of his knowledge regarding brewing and spellcrafting so that he would be unable to reverse what had been done. Harry's presence was causing the fragmented memories that he kept receiving in his dreams. If he let Harry stay the dreams would continue, and some of the old Severus would return. He doubted it would be much, but his peaceful life would be permanently destroyed. His past self had carefully created an environment that would allow Severus as gentle an existence as there could be, and Harry was going to be the death of all that planning.

This was the moment when Severus had to decide what was more important to him, and he had to do it before Harry woke up. His reaction to Harry would be the deciding factor, and he knew that he only had two options. If he wanted to protect himself and the life he had built he would have to send Harry away. Even being friends with him would be too risky. If Harry stayed, and they took back up where they left off Severus would continue to have the dreams, and bit by bit his past would return to him. More importantly if Harry stayed more people from England would come looking for him, and the chances that he would be dragged back into that terrible life were greatly increased. He had already brought Hermione across the ocean, and where she was now remained a mystery. The letter had warned him that he had to give his past up willingly for this to work, and Harry was a large part of that.

On the other hand Severus had come to love Harry. There was no escaping the fact, and there was no denying it. He may have been in love with Lily before he wiped his own memory, but by creating a timeline in which he preferred men he had opened the door to this attraction to Harry. The young man's determination, loyalty, and passion were a potent combination. Severus knew that if Harry stayed, and they found a way to work past everything that came before, the piece that had been missing from his little corner of paradise would finally fall into place. Harry may have been able to destroy his life, but the young man had made him happy. Happier than he ever remembered being. What was peace without love? His old self had loved a dead woman so much he had been willing to commit atrocities to avenge her murder. How much could this new Severus love a living man? What was he willing to sacrifice for this love? Severus considered the possibility that when Harry found out the truth of all that had happened he wouldn't want to stay anyway.

He watched as Harry began to stir, and silently made his decision. He pulled the box forward and opened it to remove the envelope. Harry's eyes fluttered open, and he showed Severus a heartbreakingly fragile and vulnerable smile. Severus handed him his glasses and the envelope without a word. He leaned back on his hands and watched as Harry pushed the glasses on and read the letter. When he finished it his green eyes traveled back up to Severus' face. "So you did it? You erased your own memories?"

"Yes. I created all the rest of it somehow and implanted myself with a false past. I gave myself a new life as far away from England and Hogwarts as I possibly could."

Harry rubbed his scar for a moment as he looked at the lock of hair, and then he put the letter down and met Severus' eyes. Somehow he had put together exactly what Severus had been considering while Harry slept. In that moment he looked like a child about to be hit. "What do you want me to do?"

Severus swallowed thickly and when he spoke his voice croaked hoarsely. "I want you to go back to England. When you-"

Harry leapt up, and Severus noticed absently that the lock of his mother's hair was sent flying to the floor as Harry grabbed his shoulders. "Please. Please Severus. I know it's no good, and that me being here has all kinds of negative consequences, but please. Don't throw me away. We can be happy."

Severus gently disengaged Harry's bruising grip. "As I was saying. You will return to England and discuss this plan with Hermione. You must tell everyone that you were mistaken, and that I am most certainly dead. After you do that you will announce your plans to travel for a long time. If you want to return after I have forced you to lie to all of your loved ones there will be a place here for you for as long as you want to stay."

Harry's face was briefly frozen in its look of pleading. Severus was afraid that the man hadn't understood him until Harry wrapped his arms around Severus and kissed him. There was relief in it, but the majority of the feeling Harry passed to him was that same mixture of gentle affection and passion that Severus had come to know so well. When Harry leaned back from him his face was brighter than any sunrise Severus had ever watched. "I'll leave today, but I'll be back."

Severus looked away, and felt the small bitter smile on his lips. "Yes. Try to be a bit quicker this time will you?"

Harry's smile dimmed a bit. "I'm sorry Severus. It really wasn't anything I could help. They've been trying to get me to see the doctors at Mungo's since the war, and when I came back and saw the body I sort of lost my head. It's a habit I have. They locked me in the wing for 'observation' and it took a bit to get out."

"How did you get out of there?"

"Hermione realized there was no way to convince them without giving away where you were. She thought you wouldn't like that much, so she told them we must have been mistaken. She admitted the man we met had no memory of any of it, and they let her leave. She started planning then, and she got me out of there as soon as she could."

Severus couldn't help himself. He laughed. "I really do admire that girl a bit."

Harry smiled. "She'd be glad to hear you say it."

Nona was waiting for them downstairs, and she studied the two of them before putting two plates of blueberry pancakes down on the table. She sat with them, but didn't eat. When Harry announced that he was returning to England she cast a worried glance to Severus, but he explained the situation as best he could. She seemed relieved, and she went outside to smoke and give them time alone. Severus would have to remember to thank her later for being so civil about being run out of rooms in her own house. He and Harry worked on their story for the length of breakfast, and then Nona offered to drive Harry back to Charleston. Harry gave him a light hug and then turned to walk to the car. Before he had reached the door he turned quickly and came back to Severus. Severus was surprised when Harry grabbed his hair and pulled him down into a rather brutal kiss. He let Harry have his way for a few moments, and then pulled back. Harry's eyes were hard and determined. "I love you." Severus didn't even have time to nod before Harry had released him and gone to the car. He watched the two drive away, and then led Magellan back to his own home.

By the time Nona returned Severus had cleaned his entire house and made dinner. He watched her sit silently at the table and serve herself. They ate quietly, and when they were done she washed the dishes and Severus headed out to the porch. He built a fire in the pit and then left the grate off. When the flames were high he took the box he had placed outside that afternoon and opened it. She joined him and lit a cigarette. "What are you doing now hon?"

He pulled his journal from the box and dropped it into the fire. "Getting rid of the past."

She sat beside him and watched the flames dance higher as he began to throw in mementos. He burned his photos, the letters he had saved from his father to his mother when they were young and in love, and finally the only thing left in his hands was the letter he wrote to himself and the lock of Lily's hair. She put her hand on his wrist and stopped him before he threw it in. She considered the outside of the envelope for a moment, frowned, and then released his wrist and watched him throw it into the fire. "Is that all there is?"

"Yes. That is the last of it." He didn't realize he was crying until Nona wiped one of his tears from underneath his eye. He closed his eyes and began to shake. She put her arms gently around him again and then spoke soothingly.

"Severus, Severus stop that. It's alright now. He's coming back and he loves ya. Stop crying now." He could hear tears in her voice, and he pulled back to look at her. Her face was cramped with grief, and he touched her hair softly, before stroking it back out of her eyes.

"Why are you crying?"

"'Cause you are you big idiot. I hate seeing you cry. You're s'posed to be happy here."

"I am happy."

"Then quit goddamn crying." She stood and stepped away from him and lit another cigarette. He frowned and stood. He took her shoulder and turned her around so he could see her face. The fire cast strange shadows over her features, but he could still see how sad she looked.

"What is the matter Nona? Why are you so upset?"

"You're not gonna need me anymore. You and Harry are gonna be so happy and you're not gonna need me anymore." She sobbed and wiped angrily at her eyes. Severus had never seen her this emotional before. He had to pause for a moment and process what she had said, and then in one smooth motion he plucked the cigarette from her hand, threw it into the fire and pulled her against him tightly.

"I will always need you. Stop that now. We cannot both be emotional wrecks. It will ruin our image."

She smiled through her tears. "Ruin our image in front of who?"

Severus gestured to Magellan, and Nona burst into laughter. He joined her.

Harry was gone for four days, and in that time Severus began his statue again. By the time Harry showed up on his front porch Severus was halfway done, and it was obvious who the statue was. He opened the door silently for Harry and let the young man step through. Once Harry had come fully inside Severus pulled him into his arms and held him tightly. He put his lips against Harry's ear. "I love you too."

Harry pulled back, looked at him incredulously, and then pulled Severus upstairs. They spent hours reacquainting themselves with each other. When they came back down there was a large platter of Nona's chocolate chip cookies waiting on the table, and a note that welcomed Harry home. Harry's laughter was intoxicating. Severus found he was unable to stop watching the young man as the two of them ate cookies and discussed Harry's trip. He had reached Hermione before anyone else, and told her of the plan. Between the two of them they had talked the relevant authorities into believing that Harry was recovering quickly from his small "breakdown", and that he had recognized he'd pinned all his grief on the possibility of Severus being alive. Now that Harry was cured of his "delusion" the St. Mungo's doctors were happy to crow publicly about their success in treating and curing him of his mental illness. They finished their dessert, and headed back upstairs to fall into bed and into sleep.

Severus sat up suddenly when he realized there was another person in the room. The man standing across the room put a finger to his lips, pointed to Harry, and then gestured for Severus to follow him. Severus extricated himself from Harry's grip as carefully as he could, and then headed down the stairs and out the back door behind the man he vaguely recognized. The two of them went all the way to the sand of the beach before the man stopped. He pointed towards the cloudy sky, and as he did a jagged lightning bolt struck the ocean in the distance. "There's a storm coming."

Severus eyed the storm with curiosity and then turned back to the man in front of him. He studied the high cheekbones, aristocratic nose, long silvery blond hair, and the icy grey eyes. "Do I know you?"

The man turned to him and looked surprised. Then he chuckled softly and spun the snake-headed walking stick in his hand. "Not anymore. Are you really happy here Severus?"

Severus glanced back towards the house where Harry slept, and then looked back to man that had led him out here. "Is there a reason for me not to be?"

The grey eyes turned soft and considering, and the man tilted his head slightly. "You stand poised between two realities. That storm will not dissipate Severus, and you will have to decide if you want to try to survive it, or start running."

The two stood for some time in silence as the storm clouds rolled across the ocean towards them, and the lightning struck the waves. Severus felt breathless and heady as the ozone in the atmosphere built up around him and the waves crashed angrily into the shore. Finally he turned back to the man beside him. "I will not run away from Harry. We can survive the storm together."

The blond stepped away from Severus and began to walk into the waves. "Then this is goodbye old friend. Do try to enjoy it."

He walked into the water and Severus watched him till the waves covered his head and he was gone from sight.

Severus awoke to Harry's kiss, and he lay very still before returning the soft pressure of Harry's lips to his. When Harry pulled back his green eyes were bright in the morning sunlight, and full of concern. "You were crying in your sleep."

Severus touched his own cheek and felt the remnants of tears. "I dreamed I was saying goodbye to someone I do not know. He called me his friend."

Harry frowned thoughtfully. "What did he look like?" Severus described his dream man and watched as Harry's face turned dark for a moment before smoothing out. "That was Lucius Malfoy. He was a Death Eater friend of yours. The Malfoys changed sides right before the end of the war."

Severus lifted an eyebrow. "I was friends with Lucius Malfoy?"

Harry nodded and looked away for a moment. When he looked back he cupped Severus' face carefully and kissed him again. Severus let him, and then watched as Harry pulled back and gave Severus a very serious look. "I'd like to try being the bottom this time."

Severus let the words hang for a moment as he considered Harry's face, and then rolled the younger man over and pushed a lock of dark hair out of his green eyes. "Are you sure?"

Harry swallowed and nodded, and then Severus let his fingers travel along the lines of Harry's torso as he considered the lightly haired chest and long limbs. He would have to knock a bit off the statue's biceps, and blunt the fingers a bit. As he was considering this Harry tugged his hair lightly and smiled. "Focus Severus." So Severus focused, and he listened to Harry's cries of need as he explored the body that he was trying so hard to recreate. He stretched Harry with his newly purchased lubricant as he tasted every inch of the younger man's length, and when Harry desperately pulled his hair to separate them Severus chuckled darkly and then rose to spread Harry's legs. His entrance caused Harry to hiss in pain, and he stroked the younger man's hair, and then leaned forward to suck on a sensitive patch of skin beneath Harry's ear.

He waited till Harry began to move, and then he joined him in movement. The two men worked their way to climax together, Harry clawing at his shoulders as Severus clung to his control to prolong the moment. Outside storm clouds began to build.


	17. Castles Made of Sand

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Sixteen: Castles Made of Sand

"But then a sight she'd never seen made her jump and say / Look a golden winged ship is passing my way / And it really didn't have to stop, it just kept on going... / And so castles made of sand slips into the sea, eventually"- Jimi Hendrix "Castles Made of Sand"

When Severus and Harry had finished showering they headed downstairs to the kitchen and made breakfast together. Their conversation was light and easy, and Severus watched as Harry teased Magellan with a piece of sausage before finally giving it over and laughing as the small dog gave him an affronted look. They ate breakfast in the kitchen, and Severus watched the storm clouds roiling over the ocean waves with an interior sense of distress that he couldn't name or explain. Harry suggested they call Nona, and Severus agreed. She arrived in a gray dress and laughed when Severus gave her a dour look. Harry looked between the two of them with confusion, and Severus waved the look off without a word. The three of them went walking on the beach together.

Magellan darted back and forth across the sand as he attempted to avoid getting hit by waves. Nona pointed out local flora and fauna to Harry, and taught him how to spot and dig for the tiny bivalves that burrowed into the sand as the waves retreated. Severus listened to her small lecture on moon snails, and when she told Harry about ghost crabs Severus enjoyed the young man's look of fascination. The waves were becoming more violent and the wind had begun to whip around them, but Nona and Harry seemed unaffected by such things. Her dress fluttered around her legs as she led Harry and Severus down the beach. When Harry's fingers slipped into his Severus felt the small smile grace his lips, and ahead of them Nona splashed Magellan and then laughed as he barked angrily at her and gave chase.

The group ended up back at the house, and Severus longed to return to his workspace as he watched Harry lounging on the couch telling Nona about the "boarding school" he had attended. Nona saw the way his eyes strayed towards the door, and she waved him off. "I'll take Harry to the store and then we'll make dinner. You just go do your thing hon."

Severus parted from them and went to work. He blunted Harry's fingers and thinned out the bicep muscles as he had planned, and then began the delicate work of Harry's face. His hands flew as he carved out the high cheekbones and the strong jaw, before moving on to the lips he had become so accustomed to. His mind went back to the morning they had spent in bed as his hands began to chip out Harry's perpetually messy hair, and from the morning his mind went back to the first time he had seen Harry walking into his classroom and furiously scribbling notes. His hand slipped and the chisel cut into thumb. He dropped his tools and reached for his wand so that he could stop the bleeding. He realized how badly he was shaking when it took him several minutes to properly aim the wand and speak the incantation. He sat in his chair across from the statue and looked at it while holding his still aching thumb.

The memory had crept in with no warning, and outside he heard thunder rumble ominously as he considered the statue in front of him. Was this how it would be for the rest of his life? Unable to control when his fabricated memories and the ones he had erased were going to cross paths? He stood and ran his fingers over the length of Harry's chest before dipping them over the carefully crafted hipbones. He had to control this so that he wouldn't go insane, because he had something to stay sane for. If this was the cost of having Harry he would pay it. The lights in his workshop flickered when the thunder rumbled again, and then the skies opened up and Severus listened to the torrential rain that began to drum against the metal roof. He put his tools back, wiped the blood from Harry's statue, and then ran for the house through the rain.

Harry was waiting for him at the door with a towel and a smile, and Severus gratefully took it and then watched as Nona drained the noodles. She placed the pot of noodles on a trivet on the table and then turned back to get the sauce. "How's about ya'll get some candles in case we lose the power for good?"

Severus led Harry to his emergency cabinet, and the two removed a large number of candles. They placed them throughout the kitchen, and one by one they lit them the Muggle way and filled the kitchen with light. Outside the storm raged, and Harry lit the last candle just before the power went out. It was so dark outside that the only indication they had that the outside world still existed was the sound of the rain and thunder, and the three of them ate at the table while Magellan hid underneath and curled up next to Severus' leg. Harry was the first one to speak, and his voice came out hesitant and unsure. "Is this a hurricane?"

Nona looked out the window speculatively. Severus answered, "No. It is too late in the season for a hurricane."

Nona nodded thoughtfully. "Plus hurricanes have a sound. Kinda like a freight train rushing down on ya. Soon as one of those suckers shows up on the radar they start preparing for it."

Lightning struck again outside and the thunder followed it immediately. Severus listened as the rain slanted against the windows. He swirled spaghetti around his fork as Harry crunched through garlic bread. Nona's fingers were drumming the tabletop, and Severus realized it would be too wet for her to escape to the sheltered front porch for her nicotine fix. He knew that she was nervous around storms like this, and like Magellan she usually curled up somewhere safe and waited them out. He pointed towards the living room, and nodded when she raised an eyebrow. She left the table without a word and he heard the grate in front of the fireplace move. Harry smiled softly. "She doesn't like storms either?"

Severus shook his head and cut a meatball in half. "She never has. We usually drink our way through them. They have a custom down here called a 'Hurricane Party' in which groups of people will gather at the safest house during a hurricane and drink until it blows over."

Harry looked through the door towards Nona and then turned back to Severus. "That sounds sort of dangerous. Have you two done that?"

Severus thought back to their moonshine filled night on the beach and Nona's story about the woman staying through a hurricane. "No every time it has looked like we will be hit by a hurricane we have gone inland. I am sure this storm will blow over fairly soon."

When Nona rejoined them her skin had begun to take on the color of her dress. She sat across from them and twirled her fork uselessly before going back to looking out the window. Severus finished eating and went into the living room to begin a fire. Soon Harry and Nona joined him, and Magellan chose to sit in Harry's lap and receive comfort from the young man. Harry finally cleared his throat and broke the silence forcefully. "We could always play a game. Something to take our minds off the storm."

Nona looked at him gratefully, and Severus looked at him appraisingly. "Do you have a game in mind Harry?"

"Well, I do if there's alcohol."

Nona's eyes brightened and she went to one of Severus' cupboards and rummaged through till she found a bottle of rum. She placed it in between them, and Severus slipped into the kitchen and looked for shot glasses. When he came back Harry explained the rules of "Never Have I Ever", and Nona poured the first shots. They all held up three fingers, and Harry began the game.

"Never have I ever been naked in public." Nona put down a finger and Severus and Harry both sent her a look. She shrugged lightly.

"Ok ya'll. Never have I ever been arrested." Severus and Harry both put fingers down and it was Nona's turn to give them a look.

"It was a mistake." Harry's expression was somewhat angry, and both Severus and Nona left it at that. When she turned to hear his story he found himself unable to remember why he had put his finger down. He shrugged the way she had a moment before, and Harry gave him a strange look.

It was Severus' turn, and he considered for a moment before he spoke, "Never have I ever competed in a contest." Harry and Nona both lowered fingers.

Harry looked at the two of them speculatively, and then he smiled brightly. "Never have I ever been too knackered to remember what happened the night before." Nona and Severus put their third fingers down and both reached forward to take their shots. The game continued for hours, and Severus learned bits and pieces about both Harry and Nona that he had never known. Outside it sounded like the storm was only gaining strength. After several hours the game had degenerated to simple phrases obviously intended to make the other players drink, and the bottle was dangerously close to empty.

Severus found that Harry was leaning against him, and he wrapped his arm around the lithe body and felt Harry's warmth against him. Without thinking he laid a small kiss against Harry's neck, and was surprised when Nona cleared her throat and looked at the two of them. She considered the bottle for a moment, and then stood unsteadily. "I, uh, I'd better try to get on home ya'll. Give ya some privacy."

The moment she said it the distinct sound of hail began to pound against the house, and Magellan dove under the coffee table with wide-eyed terror. Severus looked at Nona and she grinned sheepishly. "Guess I ain't leaving after all."

Severus stood unsteadily, and then pulled Harry to his feet. "We will go upstairs." He let Harry lean his weight against him as he considered Nona for a moment. "The storm should break by morning."

She nodded and headed for the couch. Severus led Harry upstairs and left the young man on the bed as he went to the linen closet and pulled out extra blankets. He deposited two of them downstairs to Nona, and then took the others back to bed for himself and Harry. When he lay down next to the young man Harry was staring out the window. "Is this normal?"

Severus considered the storm outside. Something was making him uneasy and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He wanted to shake his head and tell Harry that of course it was normal. It was a storm. He stroked Harry's hair once and pulled the younger man against him. "It is worse than I expected, but it should end soon."

Harry nodded quietly, and then rolled over to look at Severus. "I love you." In the dark his green eyes gave off a sort of light of their own, and Severus was entranced at the way they peered up at him from the circle of his arms. He smiled softly.

"I love you too."

Harry shook his head. "Not something simple. Not easy. But this is wonderful and I want it. I found what I want. Severus can I ask you a question?"

Suddenly, under a load of blankets and pressed against Harry's warmth all the heat fled from Severus' skin. He felt the hair on the back of his neck rise, and his stomach clenched. He wanted to pull away from Harry. He wanted to flee the room and go to the storm. He wanted to escape what was coming, and he didn't know why. Instead he watched as Harry put his strong and blunt fingers on either side of Severus' face. There was a crack of thunder that shook the house and rattled the windows, and Severus heard Nona shriek and Magellan howl. Harry's eyes still stared at him intensely. "Could we be together forever?"

The bed fell away from underneath Severus, and the world went dark.


	18. The Price of a Memory

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Eighteen: The Price of a Memory

"And after the storm,/ I run and run as the rains come/ And I look up, I look up,/ on my knees and out of luck,/ I look up."- Mumford and Sons "After the Storm"

Severus was standing in the Shrieking Shack, and the woman standing before him was staring with her head tilted as his eyes opened and he took in his surroundings. He remembered everything. He looked down at his hands and saw they were free of the many tiny scars he should have had from sculpting. He had two sets of memories, each perfect and complete, and each telling him that his life was a completely different track of experiences. He looked up from his hands to stare once again at her, and he saw that her eyes were now a stormy grey, and she looked more like Nona than Lily. She was lighting a cigarette and staring at him expectantly. His hands came up shakily, and he pointed his wand at her. When his voice finally pushed its way out of his throat it sounded hoarse and broken. "Why? Why would you do this to me?"

She considered his shaking wand hand for a moment and then stepped forward so that she was closer. "I don't understand Severus. Do what to you?"

Rage colored his vision, and his wand began to move before all the strength simply bled out of him. He dropped his hand and fell to his knees, crashing into the floor with a force that he couldn't control. He relished the pain that shot up his legs as he hit, and he buried his face in his hands. He couldn't stop the tears, but he didn't want to show them to her. He barely recognized his own voice when it escaped him. "Why would you give me all of that just to take it away? What have I done to make you hate me this much?"

He felt her tiny hands on his shoulders, and he looked up to see her through blurry eyes. Her face was sad, and she stroked his hair out of his face. "Severus what do you mean?"

"You tricked me. You gave me a vision of a life that could never be. Where I was happy. **Happy.**Then you took it all away. You yourself told me I am about to die in here, and you let Harry tell me as well. Why go to the trouble of creating such an intricate illusion?"

She still had her eyebrow raised, and then her face transformed from sad to joyful and she threw her arms around Severus' shoulders. It was a testament to his weakness that despite his anger Severus was comforted by the feel of her, so like the fake friend she had created for him. She stroked his back gently. "Severus you've misunderstood. Please calm yourself and I'll explain everything."

When his shaking subsided she pulled back and cupped his face in her small hands again. She wiped his tears gently with her thumbs and then raised an eyebrow again in silent question. Severus took a deep breath and held himself very still. "Then explain it."

She moved back from him so that she was sitting cross-legged on the floor a short distance away. "I am one of the Fates. I've taken a liking to you. I don't believe you deserve to die in this ugly little house at the hands of a madman and his pet. Everything you just saw is within my purview. I can reweave your thread so that you live, and the life you have is the one you just saw."

Severus swallowed cautiously. "With you masquerading as my friend?"

She laughed. "That wasn't me, although I was there. I was much smaller than that. I'm wearing Nona's face to keep you calm. I wore Lily's face the first time we met for the same reason. Nona is a real woman who really lives on the shore in South Carolina."

"What about Harry? Are you reweaving his thread as well to make him fall in love with me?"

She frowned. "No. As a consequence of your thread moving all the threads connected to yours must move as well. I don't have the ability to force someone to love another. Your thread and Harry's have been intertwined since before he was born. It was natural that once your thread moved his would move with it. I can't change your thread if you refuse it Severus. You have to tell me you want your life to change. I didn't think you'd understand if I just explained that to you, so I showed you instead."

"What if I refuse?" Her face fell and she looked away. He was torn between his anger, and the instinctual need to comfort her because of her resemblance to the woman he remembered so well.

"Then you will die in this room, and fate will go on uninterrupted."

"What will happen to Harry and Nona?"

She looked away from him and her lips pursed. "Harry will marry Ginny Weasley and have three children. He will give one of them your name and tell the little boy that the bravest man he ever knew was once in Slytherin."

Severus closed his eyes. "That sounds like a good life." His voice was more bitter than he wanted it to be.

"Yes well, on the surface it's fine. Except Harry will spend his entire life slightly dissatisfied and never knowing why. Slowly his discontent will grow as mediocrity ensnares him. He will die unfulfilled and quietly lonely."

Severus opened his eyes to consider her. She didn't look like she was lying, but it was hard for Severus to judge her honesty. He waited patiently for several minutes, and when she didn't continue he leaned a bit forwards and said, "And Nona?"

She winced slightly and met his eyes. "Will drink herself to death by the age of forty-one. She will be buried in the same plot as her parents."

Severus felt his heart clench almost as tightly as his fists. He struggled to modulate his voice as it forced its way out of his lips. "But if I choose to change my fate will I slowly go insane by Harry's presence? Is this a loop where I will keep coming back here to hear your explanation and then choose again?"

"No. This choice is final and binding. If you say you want to change I will rearrange your thread so that months ago we had this conversation. I will help you to brew the potion, and to create your replacement. You will leave yourself a note, and eventually you will choose to love Harry instead of remembering your past. After that the memories will stop completely. No storm and no returning to this place. You will never speak with me again."

"So your representation within that fantasy will be gone?"

"Not exactly. I simply took up residence where I could watch you. I will not take up residence once you make your decision. I do have my duties to attend to after all."

The pieces of the puzzle clicked together. "You were Magellan."

She smiled brightly and nodded. "You were always a smart one. Now I need you to choose. "

Severus stood slowly and watched her carefully considering him. He looked up to study the room. "It appears that I will never escape the responsibility of saving Harry Potter from himself. I choose to live."

She stood and crossed the room to stand beside him with a small smile on her face. "I knew you would. Always a smart one." She pushed a lock of lank hair out of his eyes and studied him for another moment. "I'll miss being close to you Severus. You're a good man."

* * *

><p>The ocean sprawled in front of him as the wind pushed his hair back from his face. For just a second it felt like a hand. Magellan had been barking. Severus wasn't sure how long the dog had been barking he just knew that it must have been happening for a while. He felt a strange rush of excitement, and then it was gone just as quickly, replaced by the sensation that Magellan had to be barking at a stranger, and Severus hadn't heard the bell or a knock on the front door.<p>

"Hello? Hello is anyone back there?"

Severus tilted his head. The voice was British, and Severus hadn't heard the accent since his mother passed away. He waited for a breath, and then called back, "Yes. I am back here." There was a brief resurgence of that excitement, and it puzzled him to no end.

He heard a muttered curse as the visitor no doubt tripped over the low-lying fence, and attempted to right himself. Then the man came around the corner of the house. Severus watched as dropped his duffel bag to brush off his pants, and then he looked up. The young man wasn't very tall, and was built lean instead of muscular. His dress suggested a young man who cared nothing for fashion, and his hair was growing wilder with every second as the wind ran through it with little mercy. The man stared at Severus blankly for several seconds, before he stood straighter, and in a voice that conveyed both awe and relief said, "Snape. I finally found you."

* * *

><p>He was sitting across the table from Nona and Harry. Three years of this life had softened any of his remaining reserves, and he didn't even try to control his laughter as Nona tricked Harry into eating a thick piece of fondant. Harry's look of disgust was just too perfect. His lover sent him a glare before turning back to Nona. "That tastes nothing like icing." His voice was almost petulant, and Severus felt his laughter gain in intensity.<p>

There was a time when this sort of social interaction with Nona meant a bottle of liquor and a hangover in the morning. Harry had waited an entire year before he began to push the bottles back into the cupboard and suggest slightly drier pastimes. It was never a subject Severus would have lectured her about, and he was almost glad that Harry found a way to approach the subject without sending her running from both of them.

Instead she was spending the evening teaching Harry how to decorate cupcakes, and the young man had taken to the skill fairly quickly. His dexterous hands rolled out the fondant gracefully, and he was more than willing to listen to lectures about layering and shaping as he carved tiny lines into his figures. Nona's grin was broad and wide, and Severus couldn't miss how much healthier she looked these days. The cigarettes hadn't gone, but without vices she probably wouldn't have fit in to their little family.

She finished her fifteenth flower petal and set it down carefully before looking to Severus. "You gonna join us hon', or just laugh like we're monkeys at the zoo?"

He took a sip of his tea and considered that for a moment. "I believe that is an accurate simile, and that I will continue my spectatorship."

She shook her head ruefully and began to place petals. "Yeah I opened the door for that one."

Harry's laughter returned the soft smile to Severus' face, and he watched as the keen green eyes studied the little male figure he had been putting together. When those eyes moved up to catch Severus' he left the grin on and watched Harry respond to it. "It's ok Nona. He's obviously tired. Advanced age and all that."

Severus narrowed his eyes and gave Harry a dismissive hand wave. "We'll see who tires first tonight."

Harry turned almost as red as Nona, and Severus watched as she finished her cupcake construction quickly and began to make her way towards the door. "Yeah, uh, that's it for me ya'll. I got a buyer in the morning for that tapestry and I gotta be bright and fresh when he comes. Night."

Severus watched Harry move gracefully through the kitchen as he cleaned up the mess the two of them had created. After three years he still wasn't tired of seeing the smooth stride, the strong hands, and the small but easy smile that seemed to always grace Harry's face. He waited for the younger man to look up before he lifted himself from the chair and crossed the room.

Harry's breath hitched inwards when Severus latched his mouth onto the sensitive skin beneath his ear. He bit it gently, and then laved the spot with the flat of his tongue before moving his lips upwards. "Harry," he kept his voice low and silky, "would you like to join a decrepit old man in bed?"

Harry nodded once and then swallowed thickly. "Yes. I believe that would be a good idea. Wouldn't want you falling on the stairs."

They crossed the floor and ascended the steps together, and at some point between the kitchen and the bedroom Harry became the aggressor. Severus loved this as much as he loved the gentle smiles, and when Harry's hand traveled the length of his taller frame to capture his chin and hold him in place for a deeper kiss Severus moaned in the back of his throat to share his pleasure.

Deft hands had his belt undone and his trousers unbuttoned even as he was grabbing the hem of Harry's shirt and lifting it up. "Would you like to top tonight Harry?" He tried to make it sound authoritative, but Harry's fingers were tracing his hipbone and all his blood was filling his cock as the young man licked the joint of his jaw.

"No. But I do want you on your knees." Severus was happy to comply.

* * *

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**A/N: This has been an unforgivably long time coming. It has been a mixture of reluctance to end the story, real life, and a sudden and intense obsession with another story I am working on. My husband and I have begun watching **_**Supernatural**_** and if you're a fan, shameless plug warning, I'm working on a much longer story for that fandom that I've started posting on here called "In Nomine Et". I'm not sure if it's any good, but I'm sort of in love with it. For those of you who read "Clenched Soul" this ending must not have been much of a surprise. I will probably start work on the third Fate story in a few weeks, and I have a feeling it will be a bit longer than these last two have been. I hope you've enjoyed this, because I certainly have. Thanks again, for all the favorites and the follows and the reviews. **


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